Tag Archives: random

Stupid Thing(s) You Have Done


I was going really fast on my bike as a kid. Decided that if I lifted my foot up and slammed it back down, I would go faster!

Missed the pedal entirely, went right off the side of the bike at super fast speed.

I now have road rash scars on my shoulder, hip, and likely under my hair on my head (Gonna shave it all off one day, I promise, just to see).

Even worse, one of my mom’s friends saw me come off and insisted on driving me home and my hip bled all over her brand new car’s blue fabric seat, turning it purple. I was mortified.

Tell me your stupidity! Crazy sunburn? Cooking accident? Driving whoops? I need a laugh so go on!

Schnozz Talk, Part I


I wake up every morning with a clot of yuck right at the top of my throat. It is solid, it isn’t green, but it has flecks of brown in it.

I googled that shit, after a good few months of waking up thinking I was getting lung cancer.

Turns out that a lot of people have this morning guck. People who don’t smoke, never have smoked, never have smoked anything. So that made me feel a little less cancerous.

Last night, I mentioned to himself that I think I should try a neti pot. Background: My sister has been trying to get me to use one for years. I’m scared as hell by the idea of intentionally pouring anything liquid into my breathing apparatus. I choke on spit. A LOT. Sometimes when I wash my hair water gets in my sinuses and it freaks me out. More of Whhhhhyyyyyy than Owwwww, but you get the idea:

I’m not keen on putting salt water up my nose. I’m for-sure gonna drown. Gonna breathe that shit in, gag and cough until I wet myself. Might as well strip naked and stand on a towel to try it!

Himself brought me home this today.

Oh, shit….

This n That


I’m not depressed. I could be? But actually I’m positive at the moment. I had a good Friday this week. A text that made me so proud and happy; a thing I did at work that was very appreciated and I’m quite proud of. A notch tighter on my belt in the morning when I got dressed for work. My new-found love for playing bass guitar!

It’s not like me to focus on positive things, and it feels weird. I’m just not that kind of person. I look sideways at things: looking for the shadow that is, in my experience, hiding in wait to bite.

But maybe I can learn, still, to see the silver lining that mom said was in every cloud?

My good old man Spot has a new problem – this time his guts. A vet visit came away with this cat bed, that he chose himself, and a cocktail of drugs in liquid form that he HATED. Seriously, I’ve never seen a cat gag at the idea of something being put into his mouth before. It didn’t work, either. Wednesday he goes back in for a biopsy of his intestines. I suppose the vets wouldn’t even suggest it if he wasn’t robust enough to handle the procedure. The cocktail did make him feel better, anyway – he’s as playful and cuddly as you could want out of an old man kitty.

Lokii also loves the new bed. But Spot has set down clear rules that if he is in the bed, it is his territory and Lokes can just piss off! Poor daft Lokii thinks they can share…nope!

So the silver lining is that we bought a cat bed that the cats actually like. It might be a first!

I Love That Eejit


Himself just did a load of laundry wearing nothing but garden-clogs. That might not sound so strange. 

However! Our washing machine is in a shed entirely outside of the house. Yep, I got treated to him coming and going, stark naked in the rain (literally).

Our neighbours must be scarred for life – oh yes, they could easily look down from one room and see him in all his, ahem, glory! And they thought me in a bikini was bad!

Do you have someone who does crazy things to make you laugh, too?

(aren’t you glad this is a photo-free post?)

A diary type of post


Let’s see. Today, for me, started at midnight when I had a very late dinner of hot chicken wings, and then decided I would sleep in the hammock. I put out two blankets, one on top and one underneath, and my pillow. I also wore a long sleeved shirt, sweatpants, and socks just in case it got cold or there were midges aprowl.

I passed out quite quickly, as I normally do. This time it was without the help of a book or my ipad, as I didn’t want any settling dew to ruin either. I woke up all the way just once during the night, and looked up to see the Big Dipper overhead. I cuddled into my blankets happily and went right back to sleep.

About 5 am the sun was coming up, and it seemed that the dew point had finally been reached as I felt distinctly damp. I was also resting most of my arse and back on the ground. I guess the cotton of the hammock stretches more when damp, or it had finally given up on holding my substantial self off the ground. I brought my covers and pillow inside, and found hubby still asleep on the couch. I chased him off by talking utter nonsense, he told me later, and I didn’t wake up until 10am. Yikes: I’m normally up at 7, 7:30.

From the couch I can’t really see if the sun is out; can’t see if it will be a good day. I got up, had some water, drank the last of my iced tea, went outside for about 10 minutes and realised it was too hot, already – so I went back inside and watched a truly terrible episode of Stargate SG1. Just when I started to fall asleep I made myself get up and go back outside.

It was actually, truly, HOT today. By 5:30 it was 31.7 out – or 89 in American money (as hubby likes to say). I spent most of my day in shorts and a bikini top, and even then I had to move out of the sun quite often. I went to the shop once, for smokes, and took a shower (dammit, I’m peeling – I really did get some sunshine). After 3 I walked to the doctor and found out I get another week off work.

Hubby is doing a BBQ tonight – he goes a bit mad and tonight we have three kinds of sausages, chicken wings, pork chops, and maybe some corn (just for me). No, we don’t have company over. He just really likes to cook. He brought me a sampling of wings and a sausage a few minutes ago, as I sat out front getting the last rays. What a lovely thing to do. I feel terrible that I’m out front and he’s out back.

Oh, I should show you my tan. It’s especially funny compared to hubby’s Irish complexion:

Is that not bloody amazing? I love how he only has freckles up to where a short-sleeved shirt ends, and then he’s alabaster white above that line. Me? Even the paler underside of my arms, or my palms, aren’t as white as he is. He truly is the whitest man I know. Who loves hip-hop. Go figure.

My only thought on the supposed end o de world


Clearly, all the hoo-rah has been a load of poo. But I am impressed with just one thing: the Mayan calendar, made umpteen years ago, predicted entirely accurately the day of the winter solstice in 2012. How wonderful. They had skillz.

Unless even that is a load of poo and whomever translated it decided this was the end date. In which case, someone out there has been giggling up their sleeve for at least a year now.

He/she also had skillz. And a fabulous sense of humour!

What I learned this week Nov 19-Dec 2


Oh, dear. The first thing I learned was right after my last post. I learned that my husband doesn’t know how to wash a really, really, sharp knife.

He’s lucky that at the bottom of that deep cut there’s the green scratchy bit that didn’t slice so easily. Or I would have been learning, again, about Ireland’s A&E waiting room. I also learned he never even knew he did this.

I learned that when I squeeze the old water and suds out of a bifurcated sponge, it squirts all over me, and the floor, and it is best to just retire it and get a new one. I’m thrifty, and will use it for something disgusting before I throw it out; but I’m not so thrifty I will put up with a squirting clown-flower for a dish sponge.

I just learned there was a bad car crash locally, and I might be going to another funeral soon. We were out driving about the same time, the fog was pretty bad. Hope I’m wrong about the funeral.

Speaking of cars and driving, I learned that black ice is quite possible in Ireland. And I learned my car is a deathtrap. It’s only my years of driving in Ohio snow that kept me on the road, albeit not in the direction I wanted the car to go. Warmer weather this week, new tires next weekend I hope.

I learned…no. I knew, but just confirmed, that I will never spell tire ‘tyre’ on my blog. I might have to do it at work but NO, not here. I also will not pronounce the letter Z, when spelling something out loud, as ‘zed.’ It’s a Zee, and that is that. I also will always say vy-tah-min and not vit-ah-min. I just cannot do it.

I learned that my Irish and English coworkers still know what I mean when I say zee and don’t even raise an eyebrow. Heh.

I learned that the socks that tried to kill me are about the warmest damn socks ever, and I love them.

I learned that after all the years I’ve done it, I still expect my animals to be freaked out when we bring in the Christmas tree. I’m either really good at having/training indoor pets, or I somehow picked ones that are entirely laid-back and mellow. We brought in a tree seven feet tall, nearly five foot wide at the base, stinking of tree and all the places a tree could possibly have been and of all the animals that could have possibly peed on it, or lived in it, not to mention the parking lot and van we shoved it into. And they ignored it entirely. All of them. Even the cat that never sees or smells a tree until we drag one into the house once a year. Not learned much here about them, just about me wondering why they are such good ‘kids.’

Oh, Balls!


Hey! I learned that I’m only half the eejit I thought I was! Look what I found:

Yep, hanging off one of the many, many loops of my pothos plant is – the balls off my socks. The ones that I thought Lokii had eaten. Woot! I put them there because he never goes up there, even though he could. He’s not a plant-eater, and even Spot seems to also have no interest in the pothos.

The plant is on the wall-mounted TV rack in our bedroom, one of the things we didn’t bother to remove when we moved in. I suffered it to remain as it makes a great plant stand, and because I will permit a TV in my house, but not one in my bedroom.

What I learned this week Nov 18-24


I don’t feel very edumacated this week. I’ll have to think hard for this one!

I (we) learned to get a second opinion when asking the Internet what temperature to cook a turkey. Dinner was meant to be on the table about 9:30 – it wasn’t done until 11:30. We were tired and cranky as hell by then. It was still really, really tasty, and we didn’t need to stuff ourselves into a coma when it was already soooo late.

I learned that my barley stuffing is friggin’ awesome. It would make a good side dish anytime. I’ll share if you like (it’s nearly vegetarian, only the chicken bouillon would need to be swapped out).

I learned that really old pumpkin purée, if not frozen because you can’t be bothered, turns sort of white and smells of bleach. But if you scrape off the white part on top, it’s lovely orange underneath and makes a good pie, even if you’re a little afraid to eat it at first.

I’ve learned that it is possible that my husband knows where a rarely-used kitchen implement might be located.

I learned that my husband was willing to try to make whipped cream by hand, when I didn’t find the whippy-attachment for the food processor where he said he thought it was.

I learned that he trusted me when I said I’d looked there, already.

I learned that I am still capable of being an asshole. Well, that shouldn’t have been surprise.

I learned we can get American Football over the net. Live from CBS. Go Browns!

I learned that nearly 8 years away from live American TV let me forget you guys are forced to watch commercials every damn 8 minutes. I am soooo sorrrryy.

I learned that American commercials are as stupid as they were 8 years ago.

I learned that the US pronunciation of ‘mobile’ as in ‘mobile phone’ now sounds totally silly to me. MO-bīle. Not moble. I’d shudder less if you said it like the city of Mobile, AL (That’s Mo-BEEL, for anyone not from the South).

I learned that I hate taking a shower as much as I hate having to go to work. At least the experience is shorter.

I learned how to upload to YouTube and post wherever I want! Just wait until I feel like uploading vids from ‘the real camera.’

I’ve learned it is possible to put away Halloween and bring down Christmas before December starts! Even when I don’t feel like Christmas at all! I’m not unpacking it yet, of course. I need a tree first. Next weekend?

I’ve learned that I still haven’t learned that when I know Lokii is going to steal and eat something, I need to remove it from his reach. I feel even worse about this after reading that a friend’s cat is in the hospital for eating a plastic bag. Lokii ate some plastic foam from a Halloween decoration and the fuzz balls off the socks that tried to kill me are missing. I knew better and I still didn’t move these things. And then I “gave out” (another Irish expression for you) to iDJ for not taking the tasty blanket off the bed every morning.

I learned, again, that I am still capable of being an asshole…

What I learned this week Nov 11-17


I learned that the chicken processing factory that I drive by twice a day smells worse, now that it is cold, than it ever did on the hottest days this summer. Gag.

I learned that the dog’s nails are way too long. But I have yet to do anything about that.


I learned that I really, really need to check between my toes before getting in the bathtub, especially when it’s cold and I’ve been wearing socks constantly. I haven’t learned just what socks I might own that are full of magenta fluff, but it wasn’t easy picking it all out of the water.

I learned it was past time to bring in the big rain umbrella for the winter. It didn’t go flying over to the neighbours, but it might have smashed up one of my blueberry bushes. It’s too nasty out there for me to tell how much damage, if any, was done.

I’ve learned that I don’t care for the Lemony Snicket books. Bummer. Yes, I know they are for kids, but I wouldn’t have liked them as a child, either. I don’t like the style and I don’t like the author constantly interrupting the story to define ‘big words.’ And if you are going to have children invent things, maybe have them invent things that might actually work? Heating up fire tongs to white hot in an oven that won’t close all the way, then carrying the tongs in one oven-gloved hand while climbing down a rope for two hours to use it to melt steel bars? Ugh.

I’ve learned that I’m so lazy, I poured beer on the cat to shut him up. And it worked. I wouldn’t get up to fetch some water to dump on him instead (he’s on to that trick, anyhow). And I might be about to do it again if he doesn’t shut the hell up.

I learned that burning inedible bits of an orange in the fireplace does not make the room smell nice.

I learned that eating an orange while using an iPad is a messy mistake.

I learned that somehow, after blogging over a year, I wasn’t signing up for email updates on all the other blogs I follow. Durr. Sorry, I really wasn’t being an ass, I was being…an arse.

I learned that the toenails on my left foot grow faster than the ones on my right. This came about because I also learned I’m too lazy to take off the polish from the summer. I trimmed my nails and noticed that there’s more still left on my right foot.

I learned that I can hang two shirts in the hot press to dry faster. Sweet! (The hot press is Irish term for the little closet that has the house’s hot water tank in it. And usually all of the linens and towels. That’s your Irish lesson for the day: now I’ve taught something, too!)

I’ve learned that hubby will wash the halogen oven, as long as I wash the metal grate that the food sits on. Win-win for both of us! I hate cleaning the bowl and he hates cleaning the grate.