Schnozz Talk, Part I

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I wake up every morning with a clot of yuck right at the top of my throat. It is solid, it isn’t green, but it has flecks of brown in it.

I googled that shit, after a good few months of waking up thinking I was getting lung cancer.

Turns out that a lot of people have this morning guck. People who don’t smoke, never have smoked, never have smoked anything. So that made me feel a little less cancerous.

Last night, I mentioned to himself that I think I should try a neti pot. Background: My sister has been trying to get me to use one for years. I’m scared as hell by the idea of intentionally pouring anything liquid into my breathing apparatus. I choke on spit. A LOT. Sometimes when I wash my hair water gets in my sinuses and it freaks me out. More of Whhhhhyyyyyy than Owwwww, but you get the idea:

I’m not keen on putting salt water up my nose. I’m for-sure gonna drown. Gonna breathe that shit in, gag and cough until I wet myself. Might as well strip naked and stand on a towel to try it!

Himself brought me home this today.

Oh, shit….

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9 responses »

  1. There are also steam vapor machines you can try. Also see your doctor and as for a pulmonary specialist. Ron sees one. He has a small machine that he uses for a breathing treatments to clean out his bronchial tubes, and the doctor prescribes the meds for the machine. It simply produces a vapor with the med that Ron breathes in, and it really works. Just a few ideas. Hugs

  2. I’m with you on the existential terror of drying to drown yourself, but have become an addict of those things in short order since using one for a hideously painful sinus infection some years back. It worked like magic. Now, at the first sign of a cold I flush everything out with a nice warm bath of the sachet mix, and it rarely gets a chance to take hold. You do it leaning over the sink, and the stuff never reaches your throat. Squirt it up one nostril, leaving the other one open, and it’ll swim around up there for a second or two and then start pouring out the open nostril like a tap, flushing gunk out as it goes. Do try and conquer your very understandable revulsion and give it a go…

  3. Ah, it’s a doddle! But the neti pot is for pussies. Just get yourself a good old fashioned red rubber douche bag, and don’t put any of the hardware on the end of the hose. Fire up the kettle and mix up a dose of the Neil Ned or just pour the boiling water over some baking soda and Himalayan Salt — about a tablespoon combined, to a half gallon o’ water — Once it’s as cool as a cup of tea you’d drink, hang up the bag, jack-knife over the tub, stick that hose up your nose with your head down (so you’ll get air) and just a little to one side, change nostrils half way through, huck, spit, blow. Rainbow colored shit can come out. Works a treat. I’m tellin ya. I’m allergic to everything and the sinuses can go south and this knocks it right out.

    • Whoa. Trust you to take it to a whole other level! I just did my second go, and it was harder than the first time. Plus, I’ve felt like absolute shit all day and have had a massive headache. So either this messed me up, or I’m a bit late trying it and am sick.

Thoughts? Gardening tips? Cocktail recipes? Don't just like and leave, please - I can talk for Ireland and would love to prove it!

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