Tag Archives: humor

What Scares You?

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I’m scared of large groups of ants to this day because of something that happened when I was about 10 or 11. 

My older sister and I got into a fight when we were home alone (I belive it was about whether Boy George was a man or a woman) and she slapped the HELL out of me. I ran out of the house, around the corner to the next block, and sat on a big lump of dug-up concrete that wasn’t quite on the side of the road but also not quite in someone’s yard. 

I sat there sobbing my little-kid heart out, face in hands, until I felt something bite my right side. I looked down and I was covered from the waist down in gigantic red wood ants.


Aka carpenter ants. Credit embedded in the photo – that is what I looked down on! Those jaws.

I do remember running. I don’t remember screaming.

My sister heard me from a block away (I remember her saying she never heard screaming like it) – from inside our brick, air conditioned house – as I ran for home. She had me strip naked in our back yard and used the garden hose to get the ants off of me. I don’t remember what happened afterwards, but I think our stupid fight was quickly forgotten and I am still grateful that she forgot our silly fight and helped me so quickly and efficiently. Even when I still had her perfect red hand print on my face!

It’s been a few decades since this event, and if I am ever surprised by an ant, or worse a colony of ants, I calmly freak right the hell out. Or at least I think I am calm when falling over backwards to get away…

What scares you, so long after the immediate threat is gone? We likely all have some serious flashback memories – I will never ask for those.  I don’t mean real trauma, but small things like this that have never left you. 

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Adventures in ‘Adulting’, With Cats.

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1. Walk into room to put away clean laundry.

2. Step in very large, very wet, puddle of cat puke left on a hoodie that was half on the bed, half on the floor. Coat entire sole of foot with moist, chunky, squidgy, barf.

3. Pick up hoodie and hop carefully into the bathroom to wash off foot.

4. Put foot in tub, turn on water, knock shampoo bottle into tub. Sigh. 

5. Wash foot and complain to yourself about the slimy feeling. Wash off shampoo bottle and replace on edge of tub.

6. Look for towel. Realise they are all in the current load of laundry now sudsing away happily downstairs. Sigh.

7. Do a yoga pose called ‘reaching for hand-towel across the room with dripping foot’.

8. Dry foot. Smile with relief that you have two non-slimy feet again.

9. Rinse hoodie. Complain to yourself about how slimy it is and how that shit is gonna stain for sure and who the hell buys a baby-blue hoodie and leaves it on the bed when they have cats?

10. Try to find a place to hang heavy wet hoodie without it breaking anything important or dripping on something else important.

11. Gain a cat audience – in the tub. 

12. Grab wad of toilet paper to remove giant-ass hairball from tub drain.

13. Realise there is also a giant-ass human hairball in plug drain (long-haired people problems). Sigh. 

14. Grab nasty old toothbrush left on edge tub for the sole purpose of removing human hair clogs. Splash a fabulously disgusting concoction of drain water and cat puke on your face. Growl. 

15. Flush that shit down and hope like hell the toilet doesn’t clog – again.

16. Tell cat that is now sitting in the tub that he is about to get wet.

17. Rinse out tub.

18. Watch cat with wet feet do cartoon-skids on the floor as he tries to exit bathroom. Feel bad as it wasn’t HIS puke.

19. Wash slime off of face.

20. Give up on adulting and drink a beer.


One innocent, one guilty! 

Lilac Love

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I’m so excited! My little girl is all grown up. ” 🎼 Girl, you’ll be a woman, soon…” horrid song but let it go as my lilac has bloomed!


Grown from seed and still well under a yard (or a metre) tall, my little baby is now looking for love. *sniffle*

*sniff, sniff* Oh, how I love a lilac! 

I Love That Eejit

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Himself just did a load of laundry wearing nothing but garden-clogs. That might not sound so strange. 

However! Our washing machine is in a shed entirely outside of the house. Yep, I got treated to him coming and going, stark naked in the rain (literally).

Our neighbours must be scarred for life – oh yes, they could easily look down from one room and see him in all his, ahem, glory! And they thought me in a bikini was bad!

Do you have someone who does crazy things to make you laugh, too?

(aren’t you glad this is a photo-free post?)

Miss America…

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…is something I rarely do. But today I saw something so awesome I’d like to hop a plane to California just to try it.


Burger King’s Mac n’ Cheetos. It is mac and cheese, deep fried in a Cheetos crust.

I want this bit of frankenfood in my mouth right now. I don’t care how bad it is for me. I want it in my bellah. I want deep fried Cheeto smell all over my fingers. And orange teeth. 

I haven’t had Mac and cheese in a couple of years, and I haven’t had a Cheeto in over a decade. If anyone deserves to eat this, it is me!

Here’s a taste-test video. Damn him, damn him to hell for getting a bite of comfort-food heaven (he might be going there already for saying ‘digging it’ so damn often).

I’m also annoyed that they spelled it n’ instead of ‘n. Burger King, fix that! I love you.

I Always Feel Like Somebody’s Watching Me

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In keeping with the last post with a musical title.

Our next door neighbors have started to let their cat outside. She is spayed, and has a bell on her collar – both good things!

But man, she sure pisses my Spottie-Cat off! The dog doesn’t know what to think. Chase? Not chase? She usually picks ‘whining in just that high-pitched-note that makes Spiders want to scream.’

The Agony of Bee-feet

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There isn’t any agony. I just couldn’t resist the pun!

I was sitting outside reading, and felt something on my bare foot. First instinct was to fling whatever it was off, but something made me look first.


A little friend! 

And you wouldn’t be seeing these pictures if I hadn’t done my nails yesterday for a wedding. It’s officially spring when the rainbow toenail polish is on!

I think she needed a warm place to rest. I’m always warm!


I’m also not very ticklish, so those little light feet traversing up my foot didn’t bother me a bit.

She stayed about 10 minutes on my toe. I went back to my book. The next time I looked…


What the…is that bee-pee???


Yeppers. I had a bee pee on me. That’s what I get for being nice!