Ok I’m not going to apologise any more for being bad at updates. The thing is, poor Socks is getting overwhelmed with first-owned-house stuff, and visitors, and an approaching baby shower a buncha states away. She’s probably at the most ‘boring’ part of her pregnancy, as far as updates go, because not much is going on in there except a lot of growth! But she unfortunately doesn’t have a lot of time to meditate on the growing Budda-Belly right now with so much else on her plate.

So…three weeks(!) ago, Button was an ‘English Cucumber’ in length. Hmm. Hard to picture. Google isn’t much help, it seems mostly 26week pregnant women are putting up photos tagged ‘English Cucumber.’ Button’s brain was starting to get wrinkles then – so I guess before then she was really not able to think or remember or learn. Not as if there’s much to learn in there right now! However, she is reacting to loud noises with a big startle reflex, even when the noise is rooms away. Like when Bear decided Button’s closet was dangerous to little fingers – it had poorly made doors – and he made her a whole new walk-in closet, drywall and all! Lots of noise, and the soon-to-be parents both left little secret notes written on the hidden inside walls for Button to discover one day. Aww. Socks said she got a little emotional over the closet-building, too: the idea that they were creating something for someone they were creating was a bit of a surprising idea. Socks made me laugh when she talked about having the air-conditioning company come out to look over their heating and cooling – ‘He better be good, and fast – you just don’t mess with a pregnant woman’s temperature!’

Two weeks ago, Button was a Pineapple! I should have posted then, that’s a way better fruit than this week’s one. Up to 3 1/2 pounds or almost 1.6 kilos! Wow!

They had another ultrasound scan done – a fancy 3D one. You could see Button’s hair! That is just amazing. Button only got brain wrinkles last week, but hair already! Real hair, not the downy pigment-less fur she used to have covering her whole body. Button was also practicing how to breathe, moving her diaphragm up and down. Time for hiccups to start!

They did take time out to take a belly-photo, but she’s not had time to upload it yet. However, finally getting a chance to have a real wash, shave her legs, and actually blow-dry her hair was a welcome break from cleaning the new house and moving their stuff and changing addresses and getting cable and running a business and…
…and dealing with the bizarre, redneck, scatterbrained, possible Friends of Bill W, tattoo covered, greasy, biker appearing people Bear bought a used yard tractor from. The story is way too long for me to relate here: it took Socks a good hour to tell it what with me laughing so hard I nearly wet myself. Suffice to say it ended with Bear buying a new tractor elsewhere and getting it delivered in an hour. Which was a relief after a week or more of buying, using, not being able to use, and helping the nut jobs pick up for repair the used tractor. And that’s the short, short story with huge gaps…

This week! Week 32. This is ‘generic squash week’ or ‘a large jicama.’ I had to Google, and steal, someone’s pic of a jicama – I had no idea what it was even if I could spell it. Here:

Not lovely, is it? Damn. The pineapple would have been so much more fun! Right, next time the fruit/veg is pretty, I’m posting. No more excuses.

Button is even bigger: already about 4 lbs or 1.8 kg. She’s 15-17 inches (38-43 cm) long from head to toes. At what is ‘officially’ seven months, she is nearly all the way formed. Not translucent any longer, real hair, and all of her senses are working. She usually seems to hang out head down, fingers in face, in all the ‘photos’, and is quite strong when she wants to be! Socks says she has a real sense of Button being a separate person that she can interact with and even play with by poking her belly and getting a reaction that is predictable and consistent (my words: she just said ‘playing with her is so much fun! When I poke here, she kicks me! When I poke there, she does a somersault!’).

Socks did say that she gets a shock when she sees her reflection by accident, like in the window of a restaurant where the server called her precious. (I’d not be able to eat if anyone called me precious. Just…no.)

And the best news for Bear? Her belly button has stayed an ‘innie!’

Let me just say it here and now: I suck. I was meant to update weekly on my best friend’s journey through pregnancy – but I’ve slipped, and slid, and now I’m the farthest behind I’ve ever, ever been. I apologised to her, and I know she forgives me as she’s seen the changes this silly space has gone through since I started in October, and knows how good it has been for me… But one of my first intentions here was to chronicle how it feels to be so far away from someone I love dearly, and how her life is changing so fast.

I told Socks that it’s hard to talk about her pregnancy right now, as there just isn’t a whole lot going on in the baby-growing end of things. This is true – but also, she is currently having to concentrate on another aspect of her life that is changing that doesn’t directly relate to Button. We talk a lot about that during our weekly phone call. However, my efforts to blog about Socks aren’t to gossip about her life – it is supposedta be my take on hearing her talk about becoming a mom. Also, my stupid job is sucking up my time and energy, and I’m so tired I rarely feel like writing. Bad!!! So yeah, I bitch to her about the job for extended lengths of time, too.

Anyhoo, I’ve got to go back to the dark ages of March 8 to play catch up. My notes are sparse, shit. Socks was just starting to walk with a waddle, which I find funny as hell trying to picture. I’m sure by now she’s old pro at waddling! Socks is a petite gal, and hasn’t gotten fat – just baby-belly-big – so when Button moves around you can practically see which of her body parts is front and center. Back on the 8th, Button liked to present her arse to the world quite a lot. Her whole size was that of an iceberg lettuce – big, but just wait until I get up to date! I have a quote: ‘I’ll probably give birth spontaneously in the kitchen!’ I’m pretty sure this is wishful thinking on Bear’s part…

On the 15th, Socks started getting allergies. Yuck. She’s not good at taking antihistamine even when not preggo, so I hope that shit eases off. She also has given up being freaked out about the impending baby shower on May 5 in favour of worrying over buying a house. I totally suck here, as I didn’t note the fruit and/or veg of the week, but I have some fabulous quotes. Socks to Bear, after watching The Walking Dead: ‘I’m the least productive member of this group, you better take me out and shoot me before the zombies arrive!’

Socks to Bear: ‘Guess what is in just three months?’
Bear: ‘Our first BBQ?’
Socks points to enormous belly.
Bear: ‘Oh.’

Bear, on putting his hand on her belly and feeling Button do a barrel-roll in there: ‘Oh my god, what the fuck was that? I thought she was in there further?!?’

Also, Button has become interactive: Socks says she can poke her in the butt and Button reacts. Cool!

Not so cool: Socks is getting a revisit of her old nemesis, sciatica. An ice pack and stopping what she is doing does the trick – unlike in the past, she says, there is no working through this pain. You just have to stop and rest.

Okay up to the 22nd now – god I’m a jerk – and the sciatic pain is much less. Yay! This week was a cauliflower: one of my least favourite veggies, glad that’s past! Socks did say her hands and feet were having a bit of swelling, so more rest is required. Oh darn, what a hardship when she’s so tired all of the time! A direct quote: ‘Button is supposed to be about 15inches long and weighing in at a little over 2lbs at this point. I’m not sure about you but I’ve never seen a Cauliflower that big. Another interesting fact about Button at this stage is that any day now she’ll begin to open her eyes. Kinda cool and creepy all at the same time.’

And we have a belly-photo update!

Wait, this says week 27! I’m all messed up. Sorry…

Okay! We are up to yesterday, which is when Oirish Tirsday had to be scheduled due to house-signing business. Week 29 – I’m trusting that number as I wrote it down, how silly am I? – is either a rutabaga or acorn squash. Again, Socks says she’s not seen either of those that is 2.5 to 3.5 lbs and 15 to 16.5 inches long. I’ve not seen an acorn squash in years, but our rutabagas here are huge, and called a swede.

Acorn squashies. I forgot they are green. How do you know when they are ripe? Good thing Button is a singleton, I think Socks would explode if she had this many.

I got to hear a weird story about someone who felt it necessary to question whether Button was a girl or boy, and how everyone seems to think it is perfectly okay to make extremely personal comments and observations about Socks and Button. Socks doesn’t mind – she’s not easily offended and the way humans act and interact is a never-ending source of entertainment for both of us.

I’ll end with another quote from Bear. They were talking about how Socks is a bit upset that she can’t do all of the packing and moving that needs to be done (a very hard thing to admit, for a person used to doing it all, always). Bear told her that what he wants, needs, and expects from her is to point at things that need to be done and let him know when it is time for lunch. Aww.