Time for another Socks update! I’m probably four weeks behind now, but two of those are because what with house moves and baby showers, we didn’t have our OirishTirsday phone call for two weeks. The other two weeks’ delay is just me being my usual slacker self. I need to be more diligent, because I only have four weeks left of baby-cooking blogging left. That’s right, four short weeks – and that was as of last Thursday.

I won’t be continuing on talking about Socks and Button after Button makes her big debut. I will probably relate a funny story or two along the way forward, but that’s because Socks makes me laugh more than anyone else, and I just know she’s going to have me puking laughter as she learns how to be a mom.

Because she doesn’t have a clue. She’s not a baby person. She doesn’t go all gooey and giggly and want to hold them when she sees one. Remember way back when, she said she wasn’t having kids because they are oooky? Aha hahahah. So, not a lot of hands on experience. Her mom asked her if she had enough diapers – her response was an honest, “How the hell should I know? I don’t know how many I need. I don’t know how many a baby uses!” Mom asked for the count on hand and said it would do.

So, despite being a complete neophyte at taking care of a baby, she seems to have things well in hand and all sorted out. Socks is a planner, a reader, and a listener – and she’s especially skilled at listening to her own body. She’s met her paediatrician, and likes her, and will take a tour of the hospital this Thursday. She’s sorted the supplies, equipment, and fun stuff from her baby shower and has actually – finally – started buying things for Button! I’m not joking, she didn’t buy anything until now. Shopped, researched, planned – but no purchases. But even now that the crib is bought, the baby carrier is bought, and the diaper bag still being sought (hey, it’s a hard decision: it has got to be pretty cool, she’ll be carrying the damn thing everywhere for the next…forever…) she says it still doesn’t feel quite real.

It doesn’t really matter, though, not knowing how everything is going to be, because there is no way, ever, any new mom can know how it’s going to be. All the preparation in the world won’t make a difference, so why stress about it? Being parents isn’t going to feel real for a while, I suspect. At first, the incessant changes will come so hard and fast that there won’t be time to realise a routine is being created. And babies grow so fast, the changes never stop.

I think maybe, just maybe, that by the time Button is old enough to go to school it might feel real.

In the meantime, Button is nearly as physically mature as she can get inside there. Her lungs have a bit more developing to do, but she’s already practicing breathing. She probably will gain another pound in this last month – and Socks is wondering just where that’s going to fit as she is chock full o’ baby already. I have an example from last week, which is something that has probably only gotten worse… Socks can’t get off the couch by herself any more. It takes forever to get comfortable in a position where she can breathe because Button has her butt right up under Socks’ ribs, squashing her lungs and stomach. Once she’s down on the couch, there’s no way back up without a helping hand from Bear. I guess if he’s not home, she doesn’t nap on the couch…

Bear, of course, is even farther back on the ‘feel real’ scale. He’s hoping he can help with the birth via text.

Oh, and is it wrong of me to laugh my ass off at her description of what her swollen feet look like after wearing flip-flops? I’m picturing perfectly manicured toenails on the Pillsbury Dough-Girl’s feet.

(yes, there was a Dough-Girl in the early 70’s. My sister had this very set, and I’m sorry I stole this photo from the net but if I had them still, I’d take my own photo, I promise. Maybe is sis still has them she’ll offer me a non-nicked shot).

Finally, I’d like to offer my prediction that Socks isn’t going to go all the way to her projected due date. That baby is huge and I think she’s at least a week further along: not only because Button is more like a bowling ball than a nice polite mother-of-pearl ornament, but because Socks had one scan early on that indicated she was farther than her obstetrician thought. For some reason, I really believed those people.

Then again, I’ve been known to be wrong. I ever so much wanted Button to be twins so I could really laugh my ass off.

Ok I’m not going to apologise any more for being bad at updates. The thing is, poor Socks is getting overwhelmed with first-owned-house stuff, and visitors, and an approaching baby shower a buncha states away. She’s probably at the most ‘boring’ part of her pregnancy, as far as updates go, because not much is going on in there except a lot of growth! But she unfortunately doesn’t have a lot of time to meditate on the growing Budda-Belly right now with so much else on her plate.

So…three weeks(!) ago, Button was an ‘English Cucumber’ in length. Hmm. Hard to picture. Google isn’t much help, it seems mostly 26week pregnant women are putting up photos tagged ‘English Cucumber.’ Button’s brain was starting to get wrinkles then – so I guess before then she was really not able to think or remember or learn. Not as if there’s much to learn in there right now! However, she is reacting to loud noises with a big startle reflex, even when the noise is rooms away. Like when Bear decided Button’s closet was dangerous to little fingers – it had poorly made doors – and he made her a whole new walk-in closet, drywall and all! Lots of noise, and the soon-to-be parents both left little secret notes written on the hidden inside walls for Button to discover one day. Aww. Socks said she got a little emotional over the closet-building, too: the idea that they were creating something for someone they were creating was a bit of a surprising idea. Socks made me laugh when she talked about having the air-conditioning company come out to look over their heating and cooling – ‘He better be good, and fast – you just don’t mess with a pregnant woman’s temperature!’

Two weeks ago, Button was a Pineapple! I should have posted then, that’s a way better fruit than this week’s one. Up to 3 1/2 pounds or almost 1.6 kilos! Wow!

They had another ultrasound scan done – a fancy 3D one. You could see Button’s hair! That is just amazing. Button only got brain wrinkles last week, but hair already! Real hair, not the downy pigment-less fur she used to have covering her whole body. Button was also practicing how to breathe, moving her diaphragm up and down. Time for hiccups to start!

They did take time out to take a belly-photo, but she’s not had time to upload it yet. However, finally getting a chance to have a real wash, shave her legs, and actually blow-dry her hair was a welcome break from cleaning the new house and moving their stuff and changing addresses and getting cable and running a business and…
…and dealing with the bizarre, redneck, scatterbrained, possible Friends of Bill W, tattoo covered, greasy, biker appearing people Bear bought a used yard tractor from. The story is way too long for me to relate here: it took Socks a good hour to tell it what with me laughing so hard I nearly wet myself. Suffice to say it ended with Bear buying a new tractor elsewhere and getting it delivered in an hour. Which was a relief after a week or more of buying, using, not being able to use, and helping the nut jobs pick up for repair the used tractor. And that’s the short, short story with huge gaps…

This week! Week 32. This is ‘generic squash week’ or ‘a large jicama.’ I had to Google, and steal, someone’s pic of a jicama – I had no idea what it was even if I could spell it. Here:

Not lovely, is it? Damn. The pineapple would have been so much more fun! Right, next time the fruit/veg is pretty, I’m posting. No more excuses.

Button is even bigger: already about 4 lbs or 1.8 kg. She’s 15-17 inches (38-43 cm) long from head to toes. At what is ‘officially’ seven months, she is nearly all the way formed. Not translucent any longer, real hair, and all of her senses are working. She usually seems to hang out head down, fingers in face, in all the ‘photos’, and is quite strong when she wants to be! Socks says she has a real sense of Button being a separate person that she can interact with and even play with by poking her belly and getting a reaction that is predictable and consistent (my words: she just said ‘playing with her is so much fun! When I poke here, she kicks me! When I poke there, she does a somersault!’).

Socks did say that she gets a shock when she sees her reflection by accident, like in the window of a restaurant where the server called her precious. (I’d not be able to eat if anyone called me precious. Just…no.)

And the best news for Bear? Her belly button has stayed an ‘innie!’

Let me just say it here and now: I suck. I was meant to update weekly on my best friend’s journey through pregnancy – but I’ve slipped, and slid, and now I’m the farthest behind I’ve ever, ever been. I apologised to her, and I know she forgives me as she’s seen the changes this silly space has gone through since I started in October, and knows how good it has been for me… But one of my first intentions here was to chronicle how it feels to be so far away from someone I love dearly, and how her life is changing so fast.

I told Socks that it’s hard to talk about her pregnancy right now, as there just isn’t a whole lot going on in the baby-growing end of things. This is true – but also, she is currently having to concentrate on another aspect of her life that is changing that doesn’t directly relate to Button. We talk a lot about that during our weekly phone call. However, my efforts to blog about Socks aren’t to gossip about her life – it is supposedta be my take on hearing her talk about becoming a mom. Also, my stupid job is sucking up my time and energy, and I’m so tired I rarely feel like writing. Bad!!! So yeah, I bitch to her about the job for extended lengths of time, too.

Anyhoo, I’ve got to go back to the dark ages of March 8 to play catch up. My notes are sparse, shit. Socks was just starting to walk with a waddle, which I find funny as hell trying to picture. I’m sure by now she’s old pro at waddling! Socks is a petite gal, and hasn’t gotten fat – just baby-belly-big – so when Button moves around you can practically see which of her body parts is front and center. Back on the 8th, Button liked to present her arse to the world quite a lot. Her whole size was that of an iceberg lettuce – big, but just wait until I get up to date! I have a quote: ‘I’ll probably give birth spontaneously in the kitchen!’ I’m pretty sure this is wishful thinking on Bear’s part…

On the 15th, Socks started getting allergies. Yuck. She’s not good at taking antihistamine even when not preggo, so I hope that shit eases off. She also has given up being freaked out about the impending baby shower on May 5 in favour of worrying over buying a house. I totally suck here, as I didn’t note the fruit and/or veg of the week, but I have some fabulous quotes. Socks to Bear, after watching The Walking Dead: ‘I’m the least productive member of this group, you better take me out and shoot me before the zombies arrive!’

Socks to Bear: ‘Guess what is in just three months?’
Bear: ‘Our first BBQ?’
Socks points to enormous belly.
Bear: ‘Oh.’

Bear, on putting his hand on her belly and feeling Button do a barrel-roll in there: ‘Oh my god, what the fuck was that? I thought she was in there further?!?’

Also, Button has become interactive: Socks says she can poke her in the butt and Button reacts. Cool!

Not so cool: Socks is getting a revisit of her old nemesis, sciatica. An ice pack and stopping what she is doing does the trick – unlike in the past, she says, there is no working through this pain. You just have to stop and rest.

Okay up to the 22nd now – god I’m a jerk – and the sciatic pain is much less. Yay! This week was a cauliflower: one of my least favourite veggies, glad that’s past! Socks did say her hands and feet were having a bit of swelling, so more rest is required. Oh darn, what a hardship when she’s so tired all of the time! A direct quote: ‘Button is supposed to be about 15inches long and weighing in at a little over 2lbs at this point. I’m not sure about you but I’ve never seen a Cauliflower that big. Another interesting fact about Button at this stage is that any day now she’ll begin to open her eyes. Kinda cool and creepy all at the same time.’

And we have a belly-photo update!

Wait, this says week 27! I’m all messed up. Sorry…

Okay! We are up to yesterday, which is when Oirish Tirsday had to be scheduled due to house-signing business. Week 29 – I’m trusting that number as I wrote it down, how silly am I? – is either a rutabaga or acorn squash. Again, Socks says she’s not seen either of those that is 2.5 to 3.5 lbs and 15 to 16.5 inches long. I’ve not seen an acorn squash in years, but our rutabagas here are huge, and called a swede.

Acorn squashies. I forgot they are green. How do you know when they are ripe? Good thing Button is a singleton, I think Socks would explode if she had this many.

I got to hear a weird story about someone who felt it necessary to question whether Button was a girl or boy, and how everyone seems to think it is perfectly okay to make extremely personal comments and observations about Socks and Button. Socks doesn’t mind – she’s not easily offended and the way humans act and interact is a never-ending source of entertainment for both of us.

I’ll end with another quote from Bear. They were talking about how Socks is a bit upset that she can’t do all of the packing and moving that needs to be done (a very hard thing to admit, for a person used to doing it all, always). Bear told her that what he wants, needs, and expects from her is to point at things that need to be done and let him know when it is time for lunch. Aww.

Wow, I’m a crappy chronicler and tipping into being a crappy friend, too! I haven’t updated my Socks+Button posts in two weeks. I know she doesn’t hold it against me, but I’m disappointed in myself for not being on the ball.

So, I have two weeks to talk about here, and I’m going to make a hames of it (I have no idea how to spell that bit of slang, it’s an Irish expression for ‘a mess’. Phonetically will have to do).

I was giddy about last week’s fruit because Button finally tipped into melon-size territory. I’ve been waiting for this, although now it is here and somewhat gone, I feel as though it wasn’t as funny as the anticipation. I guess it’s hard to tease someone about carrying a small cantaloupe in their belly when they are so happy about it, and totally comfortable with the expanding waistline.

That’s a cantaloupe. Smiling face by moi.

Last week, Button was 6.5 inches and 11oz. That’s 8.89 cm and 311.84 grams. Really growing fast now – and at 20 weeks, she was half-way done cooking! The banana (this week) is for length only, and that measurement is from ‘crown to rump’ only. Head to toe is probably more like 10 inches. Socks says she’s gained ten pounds (4.55kilos). Of course she has no issues about her weight, that would be silly and while Socks is great fun, she isn’t a self-absorbed narcissist who is worried that she is ‘fat.’

I’ve a few stories this time: one is about…drum roll please…CAKE. Socks had a craving for CAKE, and went a bit overboard… I’ll probably have to explain some of this in advance. See, there’s cake, and there’s crappy grocery-store-made sheet CAKES that you only ever have at a party. Cake is homemade and lovely. Grocery-store CAKE can be tasty but is nothing like real cake. It comes a in huge, one layer, 16×12 (bigger than 30x40cm) shape, and the icing is always way too sweet and way too greasy and there is always way too much of it. But, when a pregnant woman craves crappy grocery-store CAKE, there is no other solution than to go buy a slice.

Unless, of course, they don’t have just a slice for sale when you are in mid-craving. Then the only option is to buy a whole damn CAKE and take it home. Here’s the visual (wish I had a photo): a visibly pregnant woman with an entire huge CAKE in her arms, and nothing else…except for a big ol ‘mine-all-mine!’ smile on her face. With her happily indulgent hubby right behind, because he just knows she’s never going to eat it all herself. Quote of last week: ‘OMG I’m breaking all the rules! Wait, I’m an adult, why can’t I buy a whole damn CAKE when there isn’t a party if I want to?’

Socks’ mom is coming to visit in March, and the visit coincides with the next scan appointment. MommaSocks is, of course, super excited at the prospect. Oh, Socks can be cruel: she said she gave a big X-Factor Results type of pause before telling her mom whether Button was a girl or boy. “It’s….a…. …. …. (tension building music)… … Girl!!!!”

I’ll end on a sort-of-gross note, because I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t fascinated with the parts of living beings that are usually hidden. Button now has taste buds: which is a bit disturbing because she now can, and does, swallow the amniotic fluid she is swimming in (the fluid itself changes daily, dependent on what mom eats: Socks says Button is going to love Wint-o-green flavour Lifesavers and citrus). This might not seem too strange until you consider that what goes in, must come out. Where does the urine go? Back into the amniotic fluid!

So, yes; we all drank our own pee before we were ever born. Tasty!

I have a few new readers, so I think I need to get back to explaining the Socks posts!

The short story: Socks is the nickname of my best friend, and she is having her first baby. Since I can’t be there with her, I’m chronicling her journey on my blog. To get to know her, and why she is so special to me, and to see the rough start she had in getting pregnant, go here, then here, and the rest are my (sometimes) weekly updates, which can be found under the tag Socks.

The BIG NEWS is that tomorrow we all get to find out if Socks has a boy or a girl! Less than 24 hours to go! I said I thought Button is a girl last week – and I learned that Socks herself unconsciously said ‘she’ twice (her hubby Bear caught her doing so). I asked why that might be, and she thinks it is because she is in charge of picking girl names while Bear gets the other option. I’ll be pleased either way, of course – if a girl, I get to say ‘I was right, nyah nyah!’ and if a boy, then I get to be Auntie E to a boy, awesome! Yes, it is all about me, duh!

So this week Socks’ Button is the size of a six-inch (15.25cm) mango, wow! Getting hefty now, and more than a handful! Socks stood in the grocery-store aisle for ages sorting thru the mango selection trying to find a six-incher. She said she was giggling to herself about just why she was so particular about her fruit, and anyone passing must have thought she was a picky bitch. However, the mangos were all too small, so the picture that follows is actually of a smaller fruit than Button…

Look at that bellah! She’s still fitting in that white top, though I can’t imagine it will make it another two weeks.

The other part that needs looked at during tomorrow’s ultrasound is the fibroid they spotted. Socks thinks she can feel it – or something – about the size of a golf ball that doesn’t move when Button does. I’m confident in her doctors, though. If there is any issue at all, they will do everything right.

I mentioned Button is moving? A lot? Yes, yes indeed. Movement visible from the outside the first time this week, and an odd bubbling feeling that Socks had been warned about. She said it felt like nothing so much than as if Button was cutting a big ripper of a fart in there. She said it made her laugh… I doubt there’s going to be many parts of this journey she does not laugh at…

Hmm, perhaps there are some things. First, she learned that buying a crib is like special-ordering a custom car from the factory: it takes ages. So allofasudden she has to start crib shopping. Ick. She also (along with me, and I bet Bear, too) still gets hit with the reality of having a baby. Quote of the week, “I realised that someone’s going to call me mom! I almost got the vapors.”

One of the books she picked up irritated her badly, too – she said she got nine pages in (she counted, just for me) and wanted to throw it across the room. I didn’t take down the details, but it was a self-important man who was so pedantic and condescending and repetitive in just nine pages she got pissed off.

The last big deal that is causing stress where no stress should be given is her Baby Shower. Now, not all cultures do this, so if you don’t know what a baby shower is here you go: a load of family and friends throw the expectant mom a party, with really stupid games and loads of presents for the upcoming arrival. Some moms will register at a shop, like for a wedding.

Socks hates, hates, hates, this sort of thing. But she can’t get out of it, her family wouldn’t forgive her. However, coordinating the date hasn’t been easy, and a big part of that is quote of the week number two, “I am not having my baby in Ohio, five hours away from home!” Her mother, of course, wanted to know why there wasn’t a Beatrix Potter ‘theme.’ As if any newborn needs a gazillion tons of just one ‘concept.’ So, the ‘theme’ is orange and green, and owls. Of any sort, kind or colour. I like it, how about you?

That mmm-hmm is meant to be in the style of yer man from Slingblade, just so you know 🙂

The potato in question is more long than round, so using it as a size guide is for length only – 5.6 inches and 6.7 ounces at 18 weeks (14.25 cm, 190 grams).

Apparently, the book to buy and read is called ‘What to Expect When You are Expecting.’ Socks says everyone reads it, but no one talks about how it doesn’t make any damn sense. We were trying to figure out how many months along she is, now that we can talk months instead of just weeks. The book isn’t logical. We already had complaints about the fruit-sizes (however, she did find a Florida avocado that was indeed larger than a navel orange). I think it’s funny that she now has an app on her phone for the fruit-comparisons.

The book does say that Button’s hands and feet, fingers n toes are now fully formed. Button is now starting to yawn and hiccup, but she probably won’t feel that yet. Socks did feel Button give a great big ol’ movement this week, though!

Baby’s bones are starting to harden, too. The book says that the first ones are the small bones of the ear. Socks thinks that maybe it is because they are the smallest ones. I’m wondering if there is an evolutionary reason for it, especially after learning that babies in utero hear and learn -and mimic- mom’s accent.

Socks is all excited to take a new belly-photo, too. She’s been taking one every four weeks. I think she should move that up to at least every two weeks, since Button is growing so fast now! She says she doesn’t feel fat, she feels pregnant. But already, the sink is a little further away than it used to be when she does dishes. She’s also flaunting the belly a bit when she goes out. Quote of the week: ‘I worked hard to get this thing and I’m proud of it!’

I believe the next ultrasound is the 19th, and it’s an important one. We get to learn if Button is a boy-Button or a girl-Button. I’ve rather arbitrarily decided (I can only be half wrong, right?) that Button is female. Maybe because my beautiful niece is the only baby I know right now, and I have trouble picturing a boy. What do you think?

Socks hasn’t bought a single toy, piece of furniture, item of clothing or even extra baby powder. She wants to know girl/boy first, as knowing sort of makes Button have a personality and she just can’t decide on ‘things’ without knowing even the gender of the person she is buying them for. Makes sense to me! She does have some items of furniture being gifted to her by family, but she doesn’t have them at her house yet.

…mentioning her house is tempting me to keep writing about non-Button stuff, because Socks and Bear are house-hunting at the moment. I love hearing about the places they go to see, and seeing the web photos on the realtor’s site. But, I’ll not change the reason behind the Socks posts. I can say they love their realtor, and I do too – because when one house had a creepy, wet, mouldy room hidden in the basement, the realtor told Socks that she shouldn’t go in because she was pregnant and didn’t need to be exposed to oooky stuff. Aww.