Category Archives: Random

Happy Thoughts just don’t work for me

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I’m sure you’ve heard that the best way to have a great night’s sleep and to wake up happy and refreshed is to think positively before you go to bed. I’m here to call bullshit on that theory.

I was chock-full-o-giddiness last night when I went to bed. I went immediately after my last post, which was about how excited I am about Paddy’s and how much I love our parade. How much more positive could I be? Also, I’m currently reading one of the No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency books. These are happy, lighthearted fare. I dropped off to sleep reading.

So what wakes me up at 2:30 in the morning? A dream in which a man sets himself on fire right in front of me. I saw him inhale the smoke into his nose, I heard membranes in his eyes pop, I saw his clothes shrivel and become tight as they melted onto his arms. The he walked away toward a lake, fell, dragged himself, and eventually made it into the water to become a tightly-curled corpse floating on the shore.

Kee-rist. Where the hell do I get this stuff from? I gotta wonder: if I read something equally horrible and was in a rotten, black mood – would I dream of unicorns pooping rainbows?

On the bright side, I can say for sure that I dream in colour. The man used a cigarette to light the gasoline, and I remember it had a brown filter. There were also some colourful…fluids…spreading out from the body when it was in the water. Yay, me.

The trouble with never

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I’ve an almost-earworm tonight, but it’s not the music that is in my head. It’s thinking about a line of the lyrics:

‘When is the last time you did something for the first time?’

This is a line from the song ‘The Trouble with Never’ from the recently released Van Halen album, A Different Kind of Truth. I have it burned onto a CD in the car and I’ve played it over and over – not because I adore it, but because I need several repetitive exposures to new music before I can decide if I like it or not. I know Van Halen isn’t everyone’s cup o’ tea, especially the fabulous Sled, but I love hard rock and VH were sooo good back in 1984 when they released an album by the same name. Eddie Van Halen is a master guitarist, and ‘Diamond Dave’ (David Lee Roth) was so big, blonde, and obnoxious that even despite his mysogynistic tendencies, I just had to like VH. Especially the song ‘Jump’ which I got so excited about one MTV-watching afternoon in ’84 that I danced down the hallway and leapt into my darkened bedroom, where I smashed right through an empty aquarium I’d left in the middle of the floor. I will forever have a long scar on my foot and the memory of sitting down on my bed and watching the white me-meat that used to be covered in my skin well up and begin to drip with blood, and I will forever hear my own worried, wavery voice call, ‘mommmmmm?’ because I knew it wasn’t going to turn out well.

But, I don’t love Van Halen. That was reserved for bands that were much less mainstream back in 1984, like my forever favorites Metallica – they are still around, and still jammin’ – but their current music is nothing like the amazing new sound and sheer powerful energy they had in the early 80’s. And I really miss their instrumentals – Sled, if you’ve never heard it, take a moment to search youtube for Metallica’s ‘Orion’. (I got no clue how to embed a link) Wow. And still my favourite of theirs, after all these years.

Back to the topic at hand.

I’m not a terribly positive person. I know this, and I don’t like knowing this about myself very much, but all the not-liking does for me is make me feel even more negative. So, I attempt to surround myself with people who aren’t irritated by my negativity; like Socks, or my hubby who can usually be broken out of his occasional bad mood by something as simple and as silly as a fart-joke; or even other bloggers, who might have a down day but usually use the medium to spread happy thoughts like Disney fairy-dust.

So, when I found myself really thinking about the line, ‘When is the last time you did something for the first time?’ I was a little surprised to realise that I do just about everything for the first time, every day. And I usually know it. For example, I’m well aware that I’ve never written these words in this order, and I know that I’ve never hoped that people I’ve never met might respond and feel something – anything – due to what I’m saying about this topic. I’ve never sat here and written a blog post while listening to iDJ work up a dance set in the hopes that he gets a spot on an Irish broadcast radio station instead of the (two!) international Internet stations he is played on.

I’ve never asked someone who loves Wagner to listen to Metallica. I’m a bit afraid with that one! I have so much respect for Sled – someone I’ve never met – that I’d be sad and a bit ashamed if she hated one of my favourite songs! How odd! How NEW!

Perhaps I’m a ‘change’ addict, like my cat Spot. If he is, it’s my fault. I’ve never lived in one house as long as this since I was a child. I’ve never held any job longer than five years. I’ve never kept a partner longer than four years, until I met iDJ. (yep, he’s that special. I need to tell him so more often! I’m glad that I’ve reminded myself of this.)

In any case I’m taking it as a positive thing that I know when I’m doing something new, and that I am continuously appreciating the new and that I’m noticing, and savouring, the moment. Even when it is something as simple as hearing a song I’ve heard several times before, but this time I actually hear the words and realise I’m a better person than I expected.

“The Trouble With Never” (abbreviated version, chopped by moi)

You often wonder, you want to know.
How deep does the rabbit hole go?

I know you never thought about it
but ask yourself later:
When you turn on your stereo
does it return the favor?

That’s the trouble with never,
(It) sure seems like a mighty long time.
That’s the trouble with never.
When was the last time
you did something for the first time?

Small fame with big rewards

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I forgot I had this photo. I was updating my iPhone because there is a new, free, Hipstamatic lens. While doing so, I looked at some of my Hip pics. While this isn’t a good example of what the app can do, it’s the only pic I have of this:

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This picture was taken inside my favourite local pub. What a great advertisement for Guinness! Look how happy the model is! Look at that perfect pint! And, of course, the Guinness logo on the glass is turned perfectly to face the camera.

What’s so special about this poster? Well, it’s been up in the pub since early August. It’s a not-very-good colour printer job, on big paper, and stuck to the wall with Blu-Tack. You could say that alone is pretty impressive – that it has lasted this long in a pub when it is so fragile in nature.

What tickles me to no end is that I’m the one in the picture! It was just a night with a pint, lost in history – until iDJ chose it as one of many pictures he printed out and stuck around the pub for my fortieth birthday party. We took them all down at the end of the night – except for this one. The landlord asked if we would leave it up. Of course I wasn’t going to say no. He says he still gets compliments on my smiling face and the perfect pint in hand. Yay, me! I especially like that I just happened to also be wearing a necklace made by my stepmom which is very appropriate: it’s an Irish penny.

My short-lived modelling career when I was young didn’t pan out, but hey, I still got it. Particularly when someone gives me a fresh pint…

On the art of keeping my big mouth shut

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Ugh.

I’ve had enough drama in my life, how about you?

I don’t go seeking out drama. The problem is…the problem is, that I always, always, react. I have the hardest time just walking away. I’ve been like this my entire life, and my sister can confirm that, with a sad shake of her head for all the trouble I could have avoided. ‘Just ignore them, they will get bored and go away’ has never been a real option for me.

Personal injustices eat at me. Indeed, I hate those nights when I can’t sleep and I dredge some nastiness out of my past. I’ll rehash the incident until my adrenaline is over the limit and there’s no chance of my sleeping again. I feel like this:

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Using words as my lance, I want to skewer my opponent or knock them on their fat ass. You really don’t want to keep pushing me past the point when I am able to use my words, either. Blind unthinking rage isn’t far underneath my surface.

Today, something happened. A bit of condescension toward me, a big dose of childishness on the other person’s part. I was willing and able to let it go. Until a third person chimed in, and insulted me in a couple of ways.

Well, I didn’t want to let that go. Let me set the record straight, biatch!

I spent way too much brain power cogitating on responses: intelligent, snotty, insulting, funny, off-hand, etc. I thought about this for a couple of hours while I did housework and puttered in the garden.

None of my cleverly crafted responses made me feel any better. Because I realised something: this time, at least, walking away was the only solution. You can’t have a battle of wits with an unarmed person. I wasn’t going to ‘win’ by arguing my point (which was already well made, not my problem they were too thick to understand it properly). I wasn’t going to make my opponents less childish or condescending or insulting. In fact, I realised, it would mean more hours of thinking up responses to their responses. Drama.

So perhaps I’ve grown up a bit, finally. I walked away without a word. Buh-bye.

My only worry now is this: am I now going to turn into a passive-aggressive snot-nose whiner? I mean, I’m here, posting about ‘the incident’ without going into detail or naming names – isn’t that what people mean by passive-aggressive? Cuz I really prefer to just be aggressive.

I’ll take the drama over turning into a big sissy.

I have nothing of importance to say.

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But I’m here anyway. I guess I sort of treat this thing like a diary, or Morning Pages – even though I’m here in the evening for the most part.

I have so much random shit in my head that I feel the need to babble a bit.

I’d be seriously tempted to take off on Monday, so I could watch the Stuper Bowl in the pub. It doesn’t even start until 11:30 here! No way I can watch even a little unless I have the next day free. I have to sleep; not getting enough sleep is worse than the worst hangover for me. I don’t even care about the Super Bowl, really. iDJ likes to watch it, and he likes the idea that I’m getting a little bit of ‘home’ even if we don’t get to see any of the commercials (the best part, at least until hell freezes over and my Browns are in the Bowl). I mostly like being the only person in an entire sports bar that knows how the game is played. I really get a kick out of telling the men the rules, and it makes up for all the questions I ask during a rugby match (a much superior sport, and the Six Nations also starts this Sunday – Ireland v Wales).

About blogging: WordPress has some VideoPress thingie they are all happy about. I checked it out: it allows video upload from iPads. That would be very nice. If it didn’t cost over $50 a year. Go away.

I have £45 in Amazon gift certificates, the oldest dating back to early August. I can’t make myself buy anything: I don’t spend money on myself. I don’t know how to do it without going crazy, so I just don’t. I had a look on Amazon a little while ago… There are five Dean Koontz books I do not own! How did this happen? I don’t like his work as much as I used to, but I collect his books and have for decades. Ugh. Those five alone take me to £40. I also really, really want all of the Stephen King Wasteland graphic novels. I have some of them, but he just keeps making more. Damn him. The cheapest is £12.12. Bollocks, that puts me over the limit. There’s also a new Zelda game for the Wii. The previous one was brilliant and I spent over 70 hours playing it, so whatever they ask, it is pretty much worth it. But then I could only get the game and one, possibly two of the Koontz… What do I put back? I can’t decide. So, I’ll leave it for another few months, until there is even more crap I want but don’t need.

Right, I think I’ve rambled on long enough. Except I didn’t mention the two flat tires on the Mini this morning, and how the air hoses – both of them – at the closest garage didn’t work, and I had to use the little compressor we keep in the car (thankfully) and how I was almost late for work when I meant to get there early…

I’m a killer (?)

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I had a dream last night that was a bit stranger than usual. I dreamt that the body of a man I’d murdered was found. I had buried it in the woods on my friend’s property in Baker, Florida.

I was pretty confident that I would never be a suspect as I had no connection to the dead man.

My dad was in charge of the investigation (he’s a retired policeman). Out of the blue, he told me he thought I was the killer, because the edges of the bullet holes in the body were very clean and precise, just like the edges of the bullet holes I left when I went shooting at the gun range. He showed me one of my old paper targets as an example.

I woke up feeling so guilty that I actually lay there and thought: I didn’t kill anyone, did I? Could I have murdered someone and blocked the memory? I’m sure if I did, he deserved it, and there must have been no way to prove he was evil, so murder was my only recourse…

I’ve never been to a gun range, and my dad retired over a decade ago – and he wasn’t in charge of homicide investigations.

I wonder what I feel so guilty about to make me have a dream like this? Does my brain even work that way?

Why ‘Spiders’?

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Hi!!!! It’s Friday, and for the second time in nearly two years, that means something to me again! Woot! I have ‘me time’ for one evening and two whole days!

I’m having blogging withdrawals, and Brushes withdrawals. I’ve been working on a version of Usyaka, but I’m nowhere near happy with it yet, so I won’t post it tonight.

I thought I’d return to the reason I started the blog: the writing! I miss it. Sometimes I didn’t really feel like writing, but once I started I was happier every time. Except for the long-ass post that got lost, that still irritates me.

Anyhoo, one of the things I’ve been meaning to write about is my blog name, and why I chose ‘spiders’ instead of any other creature when ‘dragons’ was taken.

I used to be afraid of spiders, like every kid is, or should be. It is way easier (and safer) to teach your child that all snakes and spiders are dangerous than to wait until they pick one up and then decide if it is venomous or not. That never really worked with me as regards snakes – I could and did catch any of them I could find. I got bitten by a wild snake once, and to this day I have no idea what kind of snake it was because the bite worked: I let go. It wasn’t poisonous, thankfully.

In any case this was Florida. We had loads of dangerous spiders: the black widow and the brown recluse being the two we all worried about. But when I was small, all spiders were bad and scary so ‘eww’ and/or ‘eek’ would have been my reaction to any and all of them.

Until I did a chore for my father.

When we moved to Florida, we built a garage on to the ‘new’ house, which was a red brick ranch. The builders left a bunch of bricks and concrete cinder blocks behind. Dad stacked them up neatly at the side of the house, and there they remained for nearly a decade. One day he decided they needed to be moved – I think when we bought a shed and needed a wider path to get it around the back of the house. I was old enough, and strong enough, and tomboy enough, to either be chosen for the job or told to do it. I’m bad with time sense, but I was younger than 12 and older than 9… I think.

Every damn brick I picked up had spiders living in the three holes, or between the bricks. Every damn brick had at least three arachnid residents. Any other insect, I would have been fascinated. The spiders kept creeping me out.

I eventually got sick and tired of saying ‘eww’ and started paying attention to them. I saw how they never even attempted to bite me. I saw how they were all sizes and body shapes and colours. Some were tiny and black with bright white spots and jumped instead of walked. Some had skinny, long legs and elongated bodies. Some were large and fat and a lovely grey shade with brown legs.

I found that I was beginning to like some of them, especially the grey ones. I caught some and kept them in jars. I would take them out and play with them – they were 2 inches long, or longer with their legs stretched out. They never bit, but they were fast! I always worried I would hurt one by accident. For all their size, they were soft and fragile.

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I just remembered this: a pencil drawing I did of my favourite grey spider when I was 13. I put the spider on the paper and drew points where her feet touched, so this is life-size.

I learned how to tell the males from females. I learned that if you blow a little puff of air on a spider, they freeze in their tracks. There goes the urban myth that spiders crawl into our mouths when we are asleep – I guarantee you they hate being breathed on!

Eventually I bought myself a tarantula. I named her Chrysanthemum the Tarantulum. She was incredible. Her feet were, to the naked eye, as round and smooth as a finger tip. But somehow they could hold on to you! You could feel the foot clinging. It was as if she and I were the opposite sides of Velcro. She was so strong, too – she peeled back the plastic lid on her massive pickle jar and held it open while she chewed through the screen to escape (found her in my closet). We obtained a terrarium.

My mother was fascinated with ‘Chrissy’ too. Her co-workers would catch crickets in the office for her to being home as food. If we had company over, mom would ask if they wanted to meet her. I’d put her on the kitchen table and we’d giggle as she turned her body sideways to go between the salt and pepper instead of going around or over. Then she’d put on a burst of speed and startle the hell out of all of us.

When I was 15, I learned how to give myself a tattoo. I sat on the couch and diligently branded my left hand with a spider tat. It was black ink but has been blue for decades because home-grown tattoos go too deep and the ink changes colour. But it still looks like a spider!

I don’t catch wild spiders to keep any more, and it is too cold here for me to want to get another tarantula. But I never kill them, and I always feel bad when Lokii gobbles one down.

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That blue blur at the bottom of the pic is my tattoo. It isn’t actually blurry, just a bad shot!

Firs and furs

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I do believe I will have a big long rambling post. It feels like one of those days. Where to start? How about some adorable Neko pictures from this morning?

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She loves her toy carrot. I’ve used it as a neck pillow when doing the exercises Sled recommended, too. It’s a little smelly but pretty comfortable.

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But apparently not comfortable for too long. She rarely puts her legs all wonky like that; I think she knew I was waiting to take a picture.

She’s not been good today. I think I’ll have to take her back to the vet again soon. She eats well one day, then the next she lies around with her tummy gurgling and growling but won’t eat. She’ll eat a carrot – but if she knows better than to eat her kibble, she shouldn’t be eating a treat either. She doesn’t even nom the whole carrot at once like she does when she feels good. This morning, she had two runny poops, and barfed yellow stomach acid. The vet said she has colitis, but didn’t give us a plan of action. Before I go to the vet I’m trying something that worked for my sister’s first greyhound: a little bit of milk. Not too much or she’ll barf it up (I’m guessing, she does that if we give her a lot of liquid at once, like chicken broth). We gave her some around five, and within an hour she ate her food, yay! It stopped the tummy noises right away, too.

A break here: the Twelve Days of Gay Christmas is playing on SomaFM. “Two stiletto PUMPS!!!” Makes us giggle. we love the Xmas in Frisco station, it is mostly irreverent holiday music and not safe for work! That second link takes you to the live stream, be careful…

We finally have ‘Frisco’ on tonight because we finally have our tree, and it has lights on it. That’s it, just lights. That’s enough for one night. It took nearly two damn hours. I hate putting lights on the tree, but it is my job. I’d love to pass the torch over to iDJ, but he has a touch of OCD and would insist that each light was exactly 4 inches from all the others.

It would take a hell of a lot longer than two hours.

We have some fancy kind of tree this year. We normally get a bog-standard pine for €20 at the local garage (gas station). I just made the mistake of asking iDJ what kind of pine tree we usually get… After being asked to visually confirm what he found on the ‘net, we can say that for the past six years, it has been a lodgepole pine.

Anyhoo, this year neither garage had trees until the 8th, and one still doesn’t have them – and the one that did had four. Four crappy, short, ugly, bald, pine trees. So yesterday we borrowed his work van and drove to Claremorris for a tree. We hit five places – three had nothing, one had pines for €25 and fancy trees for €35 and they were all just six foot – but the last place had every tree €25, no matter what kind it was! We rooted through everything and ended up getting the first tree I looked at. Because I’m ‘particular.’ Heh. Yes, the Yank chooses not to spend €20+ on a Charlie Brown tree, thank you.

It appears, according to the ‘net, that we got what is possibly a Nordman Fir, and it is 7foot 9inches tall in the stand. Whattabargain!

We were a bit concerned about getting a fancy tree, because iDJ had a bad allergic reaction to a Norway Spruce a few years ago. But he poked himself on it intentionally and was fine.

I, however, seem to be having a disagreement with this tree about me not being allergic to anything. I recover pretty quickly if I don’t scratch the places it stabs me… but as you can imagine putting five strings of lights on the damn thing left my hands peppered with itchy spots. Even with gloves. Sigh.

Anyway, it is up, the lights are on it, and the fun part of completely obliterating any hint of greenery with tinsel and forty years worth of baubles and ornaments is still to come.

We also did a shit-ton of grocery shopping today. But that was mostly boring. We were cold and cranky when we got home, so I took a bath and iDJ started a fire for me to sit in front of when I was done. He even came up and scrubbed my back for me – an extreme pleasure. Thanks babe!

Here’s what happened to me once the fire was nice and hot.

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My thigh, with Lokii draped across it totally asleep but stretching for the fire. Poor always-cold kitty. Ignore the mess – fires are sloppy, but way cheaper than oil heating…

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My view. He’s soooo pathetic.

Danger! Danger!

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I’m going to do my part for the health and safety of the uncommon person today.

Ever seen one of those infomercials where they make people look reeeely stupid? Like the woman who is in tears over not being able to peel a boiled egg? That’s my hubby trying to use a can opener.

Admittedly, the one I had was an all-metal cheap piece of junk, but he was determined to prove how shitty it was every time he used it. He would use it left handed even though he isn’t a lefty. He’d fight and curse and end up with the lid partway off and soup everywhere. Then he’d twist the lid free, leaving a gnarled needle of tin for me to slash myself on when I washed it later.

We recycle; hence the washing. This is important later.

A few weeks ago, he finally managed to snap the metal in half. I’m sure he gave a cheer and did a little dance, because now he was allowed to buy a new one. One just for him! One he could use left handed, even though he isn’t a lefty!

He came home with a fancy-schmancy white plastic thing that barely looks like a can opener. I had to read the instructions before I could figure out how to use it. It fits over the top of the can, and cuts the lid off from the side, rather than cutting down from above. Okay. It’s annoying, but I’ll get used to it.

The lid is nice and smooth, too – no jagged edges. Nice, I like that. Especially since I am the one who has to wash the damn things for recycling.

But the can itself, however, is a razor-sharp circle of certain injury. I took one look and knew I wouldn’t be sticking my hand inside with a sponge: no way. Good thing I have a brush on a stick.

No worries, then, everyone is happy. Right? Wrong.

We dump all the clean and dry recycles in one big bin, then separate the glass out later on pick-up day. He forgot about the cans.

Oh no.

Oh, yes.

He bled for about ten hours, but since I insist on him bleeding for at least 12 hours before I will authorise a doctor visit, he had to suffer me pretending to be Nurse.

He lived, he’s fine. Until the next time.

My words of warning: don’t buy this thing unless you want to bleed for ten hours, use a brush on a stick, and read instructions.

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Morning musings

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Well, I didn’t post yesterday. It might be my first day missed, or maybe my second: I seem to recall one Sunday I was too hung over to type. I feel a little lazy about it, but I’ve 145 posts and over 3,500 views and twice last week new records were set for most views in one day (thanks, YukonSocks and unknown person who read nearly every post). I also had my two-month blogging anniversary on Sunday, but I was busy… I guess it’s okay I that I took a day off.

I did nothing yesterday. It was me wearing two shirts, two pairs of socks, two blankets and two cats on the couch most of the day. We found new free TV channels so I gorged on CSI and SVU. Always loved napping to those shows in the US. I like them because I don’t have to care about the regular characters; I can dip in and out and not miss much.

Right now, I’m sitting in front of a roaring fire with Spot. He is annoying me to no end by trying to rub on the corner of my iPad. Gerroff! The sound of his little teeth clicking on the plastic cover drives me crazy.

I’ve another lazy day planned. iDJ broke the hinge on the oven door Saturday, so I need to try to fix that. I’m sure I’ll get sucked into cleaning it, too. Which means first I have to do dishes so my sink is free. Ugh, I’m so tired of doing dishes. Sigh. I also keep meaning to try this recycled-materials recipe for homemade firelighters. I’ll be using the butt-ends of old candles instead of new wax, though, and I’ve been collecting dryer lint and egg cartons for a while, too.

I also have to take a bath. That means turning on the electric water heater and cringing at the red numbers on my Wattson. (It want from 91 watts used per hour to 2,110!) But, I can’t take showers any more, not without suffering. I don’t know what is wrong with my skin, but I have to soak, scrub, soak, scrub to get the dead layer off. A shower just gets it wet and then I itch for an hour. It’s truly disgusting to see my bath water after – I almost need a shower to rinse off my bath. Wish I knew a dermatologist, but they are harder to see here than a back doctor. The internet hasn’t been helpful; as usual, I’m unusual.

Great. I went upstairs to start filling the bath. I got sidetracked watering plants. I came back to the fire to find it had just collapsed and a chunk had flown out and burned a pillow. Glad it didn’t burn Spot! He was only a hands-breadth away.

I have a KIBIS meeting tonight, yay! Last week was postponed due to a cold, then cancelled due to a back injury – and it wasn’t me either time! Unfortunately both happened to MrsMMC. Three of us had a long goofy conversation via FB’s messenger on Friday, though, wherein we decided we should dress up as the Pink Ladies from Grease and enter a float based on the song ‘Look at me I’m Sandra Dee’ in next year’s Paddy’s Day parade. Except we think we should wear red, because all four of our home countries use red in their flags. I said I’d think about it, if I can be Rizzo. They want to have a bowling night, too, so we could reuse the Red Ladies jackets for our bowling team. I don’t enjoy bowling, did it once when I was six and never wanted to do it again – despite the fact I’m good at it on the Wii. But the gals are such good craic, I might put up with it.

The ‘Grease’ idea came out of someone saying that the menfolk are jealous of our KIBIS meetings, and think we all gather around in sexy lingerie and have pillow fights. Uuugh, men. Yes, we’re all gorgeous gals, but really?!? A few weeks ago we spent a half an hour talking about stab wounds and how to recreate them in rising bread dough, autopsies, what weird and/or gross foods we eat in our home countries, and drinking. Soooo girly!