I’m a killer (?)


I had a dream last night that was a bit stranger than usual. I dreamt that the body of a man I’d murdered was found. I had buried it in the woods on my friend’s property in Baker, Florida.

I was pretty confident that I would never be a suspect as I had no connection to the dead man.

My dad was in charge of the investigation (he’s a retired policeman). Out of the blue, he told me he thought I was the killer, because the edges of the bullet holes in the body were very clean and precise, just like the edges of the bullet holes I left when I went shooting at the gun range. He showed me one of my old paper targets as an example.

I woke up feeling so guilty that I actually lay there and thought: I didn’t kill anyone, did I? Could I have murdered someone and blocked the memory? I’m sure if I did, he deserved it, and there must have been no way to prove he was evil, so murder was my only recourse…

I’ve never been to a gun range, and my dad retired over a decade ago – and he wasn’t in charge of homicide investigations.

I wonder what I feel so guilty about to make me have a dream like this? Does my brain even work that way?

About heretherebespiders

Immigrant American living in Ireland. Sarcastic, decrepit. Loads of interests: reading, plants, pets, food, art, writing, drinking, space, politics, feminism, quantum theory. Not 'girly' and not interested in being so.

10 responses »

  1. I know that feeling! I had a dream like that before in where I killed someone. I woke up doubting myself whether it was real or not, or if I had killed someone or not. Horrible feeling!

  2. I can not scream this loud enough USE THAT FEELING AND PUT THAT FRIGGIN PEN TO PAPER!!!!! You know what I’m talkin bout 😉 ((hugs))

      • 🙂 At least write pages of notes so you can get back to that feeling later when you have time to sit down and really get to it. How exciting! I think your writing brain is waking up again!

  3. Is it necessarily about guilt? Death and killing in dreams have so many complex meanings. I’ve always found the proposition useful that every thing and person in a dream is a part of yourself, so you could start by asking if any part of yourself or your life has been killed and concealed and what your father’s insights might have to do with accounting for it. Just one shot in the dark. You should pardon me.

    • My creativity is being stifled by having a job again, along with my personality as I’m not a bloody people person and sometimes I don’t fake it as well as I should. Also, Socks points out the similarities between the dream and something else I should be doing. Dad…I got no clue. Maybe I just miss him and want to ring him up!

      • Oh, I so know that about faking being a people person… people think I’m extraverted and it’s all done with mirrors. I do well with one person at a time, two at most, then I start to feel like there’s a marble game in my head. Yes, homicidal thoughts are frequent.

  4. Spiders. you “killed” me with your post. We often dream in puns. You might look for the meaning of your dream by examining the words in your dreams as well as the images. In show-biz, you “kill” when you deliver a great performance or a top-notch script. Think of the different meanings of the word “killer.” For example, we often say, “Kill that light” on a film set or “kill a switch,” meaning that it should be turned off. Language seeps into your sub-conscious, whether you like it or not. the brain records it and replays this hidden vocabulary as puns in dreams. Grab a dictionary or thesaurus to decipher your dream.

Thoughts? Gardening tips? Cocktail recipes? Don't just like and leave, please - I can talk for Ireland and would love to prove it!

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