I’ve had enough drama in my life, how about you?
I don’t go seeking out drama. The problem is…the problem is, that I always, always, react. I have the hardest time just walking away. I’ve been like this my entire life, and my sister can confirm that, with a sad shake of her head for all the trouble I could have avoided. ‘Just ignore them, they will get bored and go away’ has never been a real option for me.
Personal injustices eat at me. Indeed, I hate those nights when I can’t sleep and I dredge some nastiness out of my past. I’ll rehash the incident until my adrenaline is over the limit and there’s no chance of my sleeping again. I feel like this:
Using words as my lance, I want to skewer my opponent or knock them on their fat ass. You really don’t want to keep pushing me past the point when I am able to use my words, either. Blind unthinking rage isn’t far underneath my surface.
Today, something happened. A bit of condescension toward me, a big dose of childishness on the other person’s part. I was willing and able to let it go. Until a third person chimed in, and insulted me in a couple of ways.
Well, I didn’t want to let that go. Let me set the record straight, biatch!
I spent way too much brain power cogitating on responses: intelligent, snotty, insulting, funny, off-hand, etc. I thought about this for a couple of hours while I did housework and puttered in the garden.
None of my cleverly crafted responses made me feel any better. Because I realised something: this time, at least, walking away was the only solution. You can’t have a battle of wits with an unarmed person. I wasn’t going to ‘win’ by arguing my point (which was already well made, not my problem they were too thick to understand it properly). I wasn’t going to make my opponents less childish or condescending or insulting. In fact, I realised, it would mean more hours of thinking up responses to their responses. Drama.
So perhaps I’ve grown up a bit, finally. I walked away without a word. Buh-bye.
My only worry now is this: am I now going to turn into a passive-aggressive snot-nose whiner? I mean, I’m here, posting about ‘the incident’ without going into detail or naming names – isn’t that what people mean by passive-aggressive? Cuz I really prefer to just be aggressive.
I’ll take the drama over turning into a big sissy.