Once More Into the Breech


I did get a tiny bit of backlash from yesterday’s post. Surprise, surprise! Woman speaks her mind online and people give her shit.

But neither of them gave me the “special snowflake” or “suck it up, buttercup” reply. One made no damn sense whatsoever so, meh. The other…called me pathetic for tearing up, and said I should brace up and stop thinking that my preferences should control the world.

Okey dokey then. This is quite similar to many pro-Trump memes I’ve seen. The ones that say ‘you lost, get over it’ or ‘deal with it’, or call us snowflakes or whiners or sore losers. 

Those posts have annoyed me, but it was only today that I started to think about why it is that they annoy me.

It bothers me because I’m a grown-ass adult and I’m not ‘throwing a temper tantrum.’ I know dammed well that things aren’t going to go my way! I learned that shit in 3rd grade. I also was unhappy with Bush Jr being elected twice. Yep, I “lost” then, too! The horror! 

Why didn’t people call me a special snowflake then? I did dislike him, yes. I didn’t trust him, yes. I felt he was a puppet, yes. But damn, I never felt about Bush like I do about Trump.

I’m not upset about “losing.” That is ridiculous. This isn’t just another damn reality TV show, it is dammed important

I spent a lot of time yesterday in my post, trying to list my reasons why. Personal, emotional, global.

But yet, I’m still labelled as a sore loser. 

No, honey. Again, I’m a fucking adult, finally, and I don’t whine when things ‘don’t go my way.’ I listed my reasons yesterday. But the thing is…the thing is…this is not a game. This is real. Your idea that I’m only upset because I lost speaks more about you than me. You thought it was a competition. A game. No, honey. This is no game. It’s not Risk or Monopoly, no matter how much it might feel like it to those with all the right cards.

When it is a game, I don’t give a fuck who wins or loses, as I, unlike the people spreading the sore loser idea, like the interaction and fun – yes fun! – that makes it a game.

To compare my factually backed up worries about Trump, shared by millions of others, to a game that we lost and you won not only belittles our sincere worries, but shows how very little you take the ideas and thoughts and worries of others seriously.

I wish I could condense this down into a tl:dr quote. Any help with this is welcome. I am still having trouble putting into words why this attitude is so wrong.

45 responses »

  1. You weren’t having a tanty or a dummy spit, you were expressing legitimate concerns in an adult and rational fashion. To imply that *you* were the one being childish when they were the ones calling names is illogical and indicative of the types of mentality you have been dealing with. As you say, This Is Not A Game. (Ooh, hashtag!) I don’t do FB or Twitter, so I can’t go and see what you’re talking about, but I’ve been there, and it’s not fun being excoriated for holding a different point of view…

  2. Well you can be damn sure of one thing, if trump (with a small T) had lost THEY would have been having their say. I’ve felt the same way about the Brexit people telling us Stayers to ‘get over it’. Hang on! If decisions are being made that could have a (what we consider will be) bad effect on our lives then of course we’re going to speak up. This isn’t a football game we’ve lost!! trump and Brexit will change our lives!! It’s bloody human nature to stand up for what you believe in. Bollox to the name callers!

    • Oh, I dug my nearly nonexistent fingernails into my leg reading this. Brexit also scares the pants off of me. It’s two of the most influential countries on the planet both behaving like kids who dropped their dummies.

    • There is a slight difference between Trump and Brexit. A majority of the eligible electorate voted for Brexit. The same can not be said for Trump. Plus remain/leave is not the same as voting for a person as potus. One of my schoolfriends said the idiots who voted for Brexit should be hung from lampposts. She wasn’t joking. One of the Brexit voters I know is a former don from Cambridge. It’s wrong to assume that everyone who voted for Trump or Brexit is an ignorant unemployed/working class oik and that they also don’t have valid concerns. Just to be clear though, I think Trump is a despicable piece of work.

      @ Spiders cos I’m too lazy to write a sep comment! It’s ‘once more unto the breach’. (Shakespeare, Henry V, I think.)

      • I used breech intentionally – like the breech of a gun? Referencing how it felt like I was taking another shot at this, something I normally don’t talk about on the blog.
        No assumptions here on the education or financial status of voters/supporters on either issue. And I’d not want to hang anyone! It’s not the Brexit voters that worry me, it is how the government is going to go about making the change.

        • Fair enough. Obviously shot (!) over my head.

          What gripes me about the assumptions is that everyone voting for Trump/Brexit are all a losd of far right raving fascists. And that the two sets of voters are the same. I don’t know enough Trumpists bit I know plenty of lefty Brexiters who despise Trump. When we ascribe simplicity to voting patterns we lose the plot. Rather like Cameron did.

          • It’s okay, the quote even correct will go over a lot of heads, not many here however!
            I am sorry that you know people who make such assumptions. I don’t know as much about Brexit as I should, to be honest. Being such close neighbors, we are inextricably wound into their economic decisions. It might be good for Ireland. Companies want to have a European base in a country that also speaks English. Not so good are our ridiculous tax breaks to entice those companies.

            • I did read somewhere thatIreland is inextricably bound to the UK’s EU deal, if the UK gies, so does Ireland. I’d have to find it again. Yes, regarding the English speaking EU base. You could be the next Gib. Stand by for an influx of gambling and finance!
              Gib has the weirdest status re the EU. We can have rest of the world spec vehicles rather than EU spec ones. Why has Land Rover stopped producing Defenders? EU regs. Why have pension ages changed? EU regs. What has the EU ever done for anyone in the UK? Apart from provide grants for 4-bed houses to Scottish crofters and a bit of road-building. I may be wrong, but I don’t see it improving the life of working class/unemployed people in South Wales, Sunderland, Yorkshire, Margate, Plymouth, Andalucía etc

            • Northern Ireland, yes. Talk of putting the borders back up. We won’t like that much, bad memories.
              I don’t think anyone here is ready for an influx of anything. We are the worst in Europe for taking in refugees. To be fair we are tiny as hell and still under heavy austerity.

            • No. It was actually Ireland. NI was like Gib (and Scotland), well pro, for obvious reasons.

              Plenty of people in the UK are short of money, flat screen tvs notwithstanding. Same in Andalucía. Have to say I’m pissed off that the 40% taxes I paid will no longer bring me a pension at 60, will not give me benfits or health care if I return to the uk, but does happily fund every migrant from whereverland. Huh?

              One of my Spanish neighbours has been laid off work after less than two years. They are apparently millionnaires. He was working as a stable hand. Wouldn’t want to pay him redundancy. Oh. No. What does the EU do for people like Eloy? Sweet FA. Jack shit nada. I hate seeing people being pissed on while greedy politicos rake it in.

            • It is kind of turning me against capitalism in general. Your friend should be able to get unemployment, no? I did, and I’m not even a citizen yet. Of course I got a job again as soon as I could, but it took almost 2 years. I would have been happy to take a stablehand job.

            • Sure. For three months.

              A stablehand job in Andalucía nvolves being able to ride huge stallions. Poorly paid and lots of candidates. He’s actually trained as a waiter. But, no work there either. Grieves me that young people can’t get decent jobs. His brother works with horses too (trained chef) but on the black. It ain’t right 😦

  3. The Cult of the Bully. Don’t listen — name-call. Don’t empathize — beat down. Why are they so keen on the “you’re a loser” “I’m the biggest winner ever” thing? I’m sure they couldn’t tell you. I’m not hearing a lot of self-awareness over there. But it seems to me they hate their feelings, they’re dead-scared of how it feels not to be on top, they’re cranked up on avoidance of that kind of grief and truly, eventually, they’re dead-scared of being dead. Instead they puff themselves up like some ridiculous cock crowing it over the barnyard. It’s a long game, folks. If it’s a game at all. Which of course it is not. In the end we’re all headed to the same place. That’s not losing a game. That’s real life. Have some understanding, how about.

      • My guess about hatred? I felt that way myself, a long time ago from when I was born and going forward in an existence that was so piss-poor lousy as to be barely worth living. I was just boiling over with grievance and frustration and I furiously needed somebody / thing to blame. And things just got worse and worse until I got stopped cold in all that shit and spent 1.5 years in bed as a “cripple” and a “loser.” Crawled my way out of that and into decades of zigging and zagging. Meditation helped, Nonviolent Communication, Feldenkrais, a tiny measure more financial security (which could vanish in an instant, of course) — and who has time and patience for all that zigging and zagging? Only the truly desperate or bone-headed stubborn. Like me. Well — hate others, hate one’s self, guess which one feels better. That’s the way it was for me. Had to cut that poisonous loop. And now we meet each other, in this strange electronic way, and hallelujah for that. Keeping company with family of choice.

          • Well, thank you Spiders . . . what you say is generally true, about feeling better — but I am not feeling so great right now, I can tell you that. Part of the deal is that without the hate I’m more open to other feelings than just the white-hot rage, which actually felt pretty good compared to what I’m feeling right now. A colleague posted on FB this a.m. that he had been on vacation and so didn’t understand why women were marching, and CNN is biased because he was forced to watch it at the airport and it contained nothing good about the orange one and that was never true about our former President. This gave rise to a tidal wave of comments from his friends about how we women are crazy and how George Soros is a Nazi sympathizer (I could not make that last one up). This was the last straw and so, actually shaking, I private messaged him sending him an article explaining things from my point of view and begging him to try to imagine how I feel. His answer: He scuttled away, saying, in a public post and not responding to me personally, that he now refuses to use FB for political discussion, it being no longer the place to try to understand this deep division in our country. I could spit.

  4. The Trump side seem to view this as a game; a sporting contest of some kind. They do not seem to grasp that for many of us this is a question, literally, of life and death; of living peacefully or being prosecuted. Take heart. Look at the support we all got today. All those men and women out there saying “you can’t take my rights and dignity away.”

    • Early count is 2.5 million globally – and no proper census was taken! I went to the March for Women’s Lives in 2004, they had people going around and counting us just by asking if we were counted yet. Got asked about four times. There were a LOT of people there that day, too.
      So many stories I’ve read of real people who are alive now because of the ACA – no tax break to billionaires justifies the fear these people have that they won’t get the care they need because they can’t afford it.

  5. I enjoy your thoughts and comments on things. I think you are smart, caring, easy to read and follow, and spot on with your assessments. Keep having your say. It is something we all need to hear and understand. Hugs

  6. As I said before — thee are the people who got their rocks off trying to make sensitive, different, or weaker kids cry in third grade. They deserve zero attention, other than the vigilant attitude you would take towards any infestation.

    They’re so cowardly they can’t stand the thought of having to share the world with people who aren’t exactly like them. We are brave enough to share the world with anyone who is glad to share it with us.

    Fuck em.

    • I still hold out hope – recently met a man who confessed to having been that 3rd grade bully. I know most won’t change (recently googled my main nemesis and got a bit cheered up that he has been in and out of prison all of his life). Some can change. I’ll keep working toward that, amongst other things.

  7. How was your march? 36,000 people signed up for our march in our city. 100,000 actually showed up and waited 2 hours to walk in the pouring rain. It’s that important.

    Across the U.S. hundreds of thousands of people showed up because this isn’t a game. And to the participants, It’s not about “winning and losing”as some folks put it. It’s about respect, safety, and fairness no matter your income, gender, religion, or skin color.

    I wish I could share the cheers and thankful support we, the soaking, cold, people gave upon hearing that around the globe others were marching too. Thank you. Thank you.

    You help us more than you can ever imagine.

    • It was cold but dry, and we got many befuddled looks! But also cheered on by little girls and boys and mammies and daddies sitting in cars (that were stuck in the traffic we created). I’ve asked the organisers if anyone took a head count. The streets were winding so we couldn’t see the whole group at once, once we were on the move.
      As above I just heard the early count is 2.5 million globally.

      And thank YOU.

  8. I completely understand what you’re saying. They phrase it like a game because 1) they’re immature, 2) it’s a simple explanation for a pretty complicated thing and most people like simple, neat answers instead of complicated nuanced ones, and/or 3) they won’t be, or at least don’t think they will be, affected by what Herr Gropenfuhrer says or does. Most of the male supporters tend to be of this kind of “nah, nah, nah” childish attitude (like my 6 year old). The female supporters tend to be almost delusional about Trump. I’ve been flabbergasted by interviews with women who voted for him but are now upset that he’s going along many anti-women proposals (like defunding Planned Parenthood). Most of them say they thought he would be good for the US economy and they ignored everything else he was saying on the campaign trail. But like Maya Angelous said [paraphrasing here], ‘if someone tells you’re they’re not a good person, believe them’. Besides what kind of person trades economic security for a loss of liberty? I guess if they don’t think THEY will be the ones losing their rights, it makes perfect sense to them. Apparently half the American population felt that way and that frightens me more than anything else.

    Sorry if this is too much of a response. I haven’t been blogging lately because I’m just so angry and overwhelmed by the whole thing. But keeping it all in isn’t good for me either. Hugs to you and the furry children.

    • Never too long, and this is a place where I won’t allow jerks to comment. Talk all you want and feel safe – as safe as I can make it!
      The t supporters I know are all posting about how the violence is bad, shame on liberals. And that none of this happened 4 or 8 years ago. And we are crybabies.
      One loved him for his anti abortion promises and ‘drain the swamp.’ Well he’s not attacked the former yet, but seems clear he is filling the swamp back up with cronies. I can’t bring myself to comment on her memes, because I’m pretty sure I am the only person she knows who disagrees with her and I don’t have the heart to fight a couple dozen of her friends, too. There is no point, anyway, is there?

      • There were no arrests for the Women’s March and that was HUGE. And no arrests at the protest in Philly either. Just some that first day. I love how they ignore the increase in hate crimes going on all over America. But you’re right…you won’t be changing anyone’s mind and it’s probably not worth the hassle of arguing. I have LOTS of family that supported Trump and I never say anything to them about it. It’s hard though because I really feel like he is the greatest threat to this country since the Civil War.

  9. How discouraging. It’s still difficult to read blogs even. People are so angry and unreasonable on both sides – those of us in the middle are still hiding out. Sorry you’ve gotten all the grief.
    People can’t just talk or sanely express opinions anymore – it’s all name calling and ugliness and “this side or you’re horrible”.As kids we were told that people who name called or ridiculed their opponents were simply unable to think logically or present real arguments. When did that get lost? No civil discourse. No loyal opposition who can – who is expected – to strongly debate with critical reason.
    I’m really afraid the next election cycle will be even more vicious – and for what? If we don’t get better candidates, will next time be any better?

    We need term limits. And some law where if your parent, grandparent, sibling or any aunt, uncle, cousin was president, you can’t run. No ruling political families. (Bush the younger drove me nuts – nice guy- not real smart, but what a puppet and so easily bossed by the established power brokers/party.) Right now all getting elected to office in DC is a career instead of brief service to country. Harvard now even offers a class in how to get elected….and they all end up millionaires…with big pensions and excellent health care paid for by taxpayers

    (Oh on another note. Just for general info about TX pulling Planned Parenthood funding – this was started before the selling of baby parts scandal – PP was caught multiple times buying birth control pills at a steep discount from company, then getting reimbursed by fed/medicare for twice the amount paid, then turning around and selling the pills to their clients for 3-4 times the amount originally paid to the manufacturers. This is fraud. It was proven. Happened in multiple locations and multiple times. So since other health care providers provide the exact same care PP offered women, the state thought it better to give the grant money/subsidies to someone who will be honest rather to reward organization who is comfortable with fraud. The state pulling funding had nothing to do with abortions here. (although here’s always the loud pro lifers preaching…often men…they should just shut up.) But can’t say that about some other states, which obviously there are pro life motivations running things elsewhere. Texas is pretty much maverick country – despite what people think)

    • Of course I never heard of any pill scandal, and I’m very disappointed to hear of it now. No, it isn’t right at all!

      I do know I never went there until I was poor as dirt with no insurance or job, and they treated me with so much respect and taught me things about my anatomy that, despite being in my mid-20’s, no one had ever bothered to tell me before. Best Pap smear in my life!

      I didn’t get a lot of grief, but I can’t understand the reason behind any of it. Like Sled says, it is likely that some people are adult bullies and this is their way of shooting spitballs, putting gum in our hair, or calling us ugly/fat/four eyes, etc.

      I’ve been trolled a few times on FB, and either I don’t bother to answer or just continue to be polite and not namecall. That pisses em off – then I get called passive because I didn’t sink to their level and still wrote without hate. You literally can not have a discussion with some people. I’m getting better at realising which are which, at least.

      Shame that at my age, I still have to deal with bullies.

  10. I think you’ve been quite eloquent, as have most of those who have tried to express their concerns in a respectful and factual way. It’s unfortunate that the “other side” doesn’t understand that we’re just exercising our rights because we have legitimate concerns.

      • The world is a very “global” place these days so it stands to reason that a shit-storm in one country will effect other countries. And his policies that effect women are really pretty awful. So we either come together to get some changes made or we stand by idly while he creates his own little utopian vision that screws us. I, for one, plan to exercise my right to do something. ❤

    • Thank you, Paul. I wish I could hide my head under my wing and not be horrified by what I see coming. I’ve been over to yours – my goodness you do put a lot of thought into your posts! Very well written and intelligently posited.

        • To be honest, you rather overwhelmed me 🙂 I didn’t delve too deep into any one post, but was checking you out to make sure you were a real person and if we would get along or not! My brain isn’t fully functional at the moment for deep thinking.

          • That’s cool! I often go pretty deep in my never ending quest to come up with the wrong conclusions about things! It’s fun for me, but I know and appreciate how you’ve got to be in the right mood for it.

            I hope we get along! You seem very “real” to me in the best sense of that word.

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