I feel as if I’m in la-la land. Again.
And I’m going to be immediately rather pedantic, it seems! This is going to be one of my stream-of-consciousness posts.
My mother always hated the expression ‘I feel like’. As in, ‘I feel like ice cream!’ So…how does ice cream feel, exactly? Cold, wet, creamy? No – you feel “as if, or as though” you want ice cream.
She had a damn good point, and I’ve never forgotten it. I rarely, if ever, say ‘I feel like’. Even when it does work, as in: I feel like I’m in la-la land.
My mother’s teachings might explain why I can be rather spare in using contractions, even as a native English speaker/writer. I’m always trying to make sure that I’ve been clearly understood. I’ve been told by someone who refuses to use the slightest bit of text-speak that I don’t use enough contractions. Hmm.
That said, I live in a country where “amn’t” makes perfect sense. Shudder. But I use it because it works.
Yes, I’ve had a bit too much to drink a bit too early, or a bit less food today than I usually do. Or both! No matter, I have the cats keeping me company and a lot of nonsense on my mind. iDJ is in charge of food tonight, so- wheee!
I guess the biggest thing on my mind is the work situation. I hate what I’m doing, and everyone in charge knows it. I wasn’t hired for this role, so – thankfully – they are trying to hire someone who wants to do it. So far, one person accepted and then bowed out the day he was meant to start. That should tell you how awful my job is – in a massively depressed economy with a high unemployment rate, someone could say ‘no thanks’ to doing my job.
But…I was told that they were interviewing again this week, and I got my hopes up again. Fuck it, lie to me, it keeps me sane with hope! They’ve said where they want to put me, and I’m totally down with the new role – just get me outta this one. It has sucked all the joy out of life for me. I can’t even see that my job isn’t my life. I spend my ‘real life’ trying to recover from work, which means I’ve made work my whole life. Pretty stupid for an office job.
And…to beat a stupid, dead analogy even further to death – the spiderweb that made me think (hard, for a change) has just been erased. Poof! gone. I didn’t get to do it myself. They hired a painter, he power-washed the building and then just…painted over where the web used to be. Well, dammit all to hell and back.
I’m pretty sure there’s another analogy there about how we aren’t ever in control of any goddamn thing in life. I’m not good at ‘deep’ so – bummer, dude. I feel denied. Sheeeiiiiiit (in my best Clay Davis from The Wire voice).
In any case. I’m sorry as hell that I’ve not been up to reading anyone else’s posts, or even giving proper responses to comments on my own blog. La-la-land, you see.
La la la, la-di-da…