I need


I need to howl. Like a lonely dog. Like a wolf looking for her pack.

I’m sitting outside, it is cold, it is breezy. Some of my fingers have turned white, bloodless, from the lack of circulation.

I don’t want to go inside.

I tilt my head to the sky. The black, moonless sky. There are only two stars strong enough, bright enough, to shimmer in the black.

Head back, looking up, throat exposed stretched grasping I feel the need to howl. To howl loud and long. Howl for the pain and the frustration.

I can not. I have neighbours who would not understand, would not appreciate my song of loss.

I bottle it in, again, still, until.

About heretherebespiders

Immigrant American living in Ireland. Sarcastic, decrepit. Loads of interests: reading, plants, pets, food, art, writing, drinking, space, politics, feminism, quantum theory. Not 'girly' and not interested in being so.

27 responses »

  1. Wonderful visuals in this piece, and I love how you’ve incorporated the senses into it. I hope this is fiction. If not, I am so sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Dear, your prose is bewitching. It is an ancient song of humanity in shattered aspects. I would very much like to share it on my blog, with your kind permission… I am looking for inspiration and upon reading your words, I find great comfort, for the same tune sometimes follows me into the night…

  3. Boy did you describe the scene and primal feeling perfectly. I used to throw cheap glasses against a wall – rather nice – but then it makes a mess…and you should probably wear goggles.
    Howling would be so much better ( but I couldn’t – neighbors)
    Hope the universe recognizes and tweaks things a bit for you.
    Hugs from here. (RC sends TWO soft cheek pats…she said to make sure to mention TWO…it’s a honor from HRH…and she says you have two cheeks and she wants you to feel balanced. So there it is)

  4. We all need to howl at some time in our lives – and guess what- it often helps. I hope you get to do it and that it will be therapeutic. Have not been reading a few of your recent posts as there was talk of felines which give me nightmares, so I may be missing relevant info, but I hope that your need to howl will soon pass. Mind yourself. A

Thoughts? Gardening tips? Cocktail recipes? Don't just like and leave, please - I can talk for Ireland and would love to prove it!

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