I need to howl. Like a lonely dog. Like a wolf looking for her pack.
I’m sitting outside, it is cold, it is breezy. Some of my fingers have turned white, bloodless, from the lack of circulation.
I don’t want to go inside.
I tilt my head to the sky. The black, moonless sky. There are only two stars strong enough, bright enough, to shimmer in the black.
Head back, looking up, throat exposed stretched grasping I feel the need to howl. To howl loud and long. Howl for the pain and the frustration.
I can not. I have neighbours who would not understand, would not appreciate my song of loss.
I bottle it in, again, still, until.
heretherebespiders 
:-{ you’re in my thoughts, Spiders.
Thanks, my dear. I hope you are doing okay?
Yes, I’ve had 5 or so good days in a row, at last arising from the horribleness of the last 5 months. It feels like a permanent rising, too. Don’t ask me how I know that!
Here’s a big ole hug for you, girl, that reaches all across the country and then across the ocean.
That’s great news, I hope you are entirely correct! I’ll take that hug, with thanks – and oo! there is one heading back your way, too!
:-O
Wonderful visuals in this piece, and I love how you’ve incorporated the senses into it. I hope this is fiction. If not, I am so sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you. I don’t know if I could write something like this as fiction.
I hope whatever it is eases for you soon. Hugs.
Me, too – thanks for the good wishes. I hope you’re doing well?
Sending love and support for whatever has left you howling xxx
It’s the wish to howl and being denied the voice that is the worst at the moment – not that screaming to the sky will fix anything…? Catharsis only maybe.
It it works for wolves it might be worth a try. Why can you listen to music at top volume without anyone hearing you but as soon as you want to express raw emotion, there is now way of masking it?
Hmm, I go top volume only in the car 🙂 Music and the singing both! I’ll compliment myself and say that’s not howling – but judging by my musical preferences lately that’s not entirely true.
If you go out in the garden and howl and anyone gives you trouble about it, I’ll write amicus curiae vouching for your sanity.
Ha! That’s what I’ve lost 🙂
What’sa matta, Spiders? Howl, baby, howl!
Ah, everything?
I don’t know what or who you lost, but I’m sorry for your sadness and hope you feel better soon. Big hugs to you until you can howl like you need.
I think I need to go find a private place and do just that.
Dear, your prose is bewitching. It is an ancient song of humanity in shattered aspects. I would very much like to share it on my blog, with your kind permission… I am looking for inspiration and upon reading your words, I find great comfort, for the same tune sometimes follows me into the night…
If you like, sure. I don’t feel very inspirational at the moment myself 🙂
Well, you know we’ll always appreciate your howling. 🙂
Now you’ve made me want to take my iPad out to the bog, hit record, scream like a banshee, and post the results.
Gak, no. I promise I won’t.
Boy did you describe the scene and primal feeling perfectly. I used to throw cheap glasses against a wall – rather nice – but then it makes a mess…and you should probably wear goggles.
Howling would be so much better ( but I couldn’t – neighbors)
Hope the universe recognizes and tweaks things a bit for you.
Hugs from here. (RC sends TWO soft cheek pats…she said to make sure to mention TWO…it’s a honor from HRH…and she says you have two cheeks and she wants you to feel balanced. So there it is)
Aww. Thank RC for me, that is a honour indeed.
I used to beat innocent trees with old broomsticks or bits of wood. Hurt my hand a lot more than the trees… I ran out of sticks however.
We all need to howl at some time in our lives – and guess what- it often helps. I hope you get to do it and that it will be therapeutic. Have not been reading a few of your recent posts as there was talk of felines which give me nightmares, so I may be missing relevant info, but I hope that your need to howl will soon pass. Mind yourself. A
Thanks. The felines usually make me feel better, so it’s not related to them at all. I can do a dogeen post just for you 🙂