Argh. I have nothing going on, yet a ton of things going on, and I don’t even know where to begin. So I haven’t begun, until now… this is feeling like one of those times I need to ramble and write, just because I need to write.
That said, I caught myself cleaning the fridge this evening in what I knew damn well was an avoidance ploy. What’s up with that? Who the hell would rather wash the beer vegetable drawers instead of write? Especially when the call is so clearly upon oneself? Like that third person stuff? Yeah, me neither.
Maybe it really is that I have too much in my head and couldn’t figure out where to start. I’m just free-writing here, a big ol’ brain-dump. I guess I’ll see how big it really is. Good thing I don’t actually use paper, I’d be clogging the jacks…
I still need to post about my garden, and about a dozen kinds of beer I’ve tried recently, and an ‘invasion of the flour-mites’ update (I’ve gotten so many Google hits about it I feel I should do a proper post with advice on getting rid of them – they are gone). I have a ton of photos I’d like to share… I’m worried about my job security, and about Socks (who still is waiting, and since she has her mum with her we aren’t having our weekly phone call tonight). I owe an old friend a serious response to a difficult email, I’m worried about an ex who I’ve only just realised might be having a hard time and I don’t know why, and I just realised that it’s friggin’ Thursday and I have no hope of even getting a card to my dad in time for Father’s Day. Sorry dad, I really have been meaning to send something. I’m a terrible kid. Love me anyway? (that’s an old family joke)
We are also meant to have 36 – yes, thirty-bleedin-six, hours of rain, which started today at about 11 am. Yay. 36 hours of wet dog and no garden and no sitting outside all weekend. And I just know it will clear and be beautiful just in time for me to be stuck behind a desk on Monday. I can’t even get close to explaining how very much a sunny day that I cannot enjoy distracts me. My brain just does not appreciate being confined indoors, and my body is screaming for sunshine and fresh air.
I’m worried about my sister being lonely and having a tough time while her husband is away.
I started having graphic nightmares again, which try but fail to get my heart rate up, but still wake me and set my mind going. I can’t read myself to sleep on the iPad at those times: it will fall over and hit either me or iDJ in the face. I did, in one of those middle-of-the-night sessions, have an idea for a new blog; something I’d like to do that actually has a ‘theme’ but I can’t make the time for it unless I can think of a way it will make me some money. Which annoys me, because I’d much rather do it for the love of it, but ohmydog we are broke. Another worry…
And, suddenly, it’s 10pm and I have only an hour of me-time left before I have to sleep or be useless tomorrow. Hard as hell this time of year – even with the rain it is bright enough outside to read. It feels like 8, or even 7, but I have to finish making dinner, eat it, and go to sleep soon. Yes yes I know, we eat at crazy hours. iDJ has been on the air the last two hours and he has to wrap up some things still, and there’s no way we’d be able to make and eat a big meal in the hour of ‘free time’ we have between coming home from work and his show starting. Maybe if we didn’t cook from scratch and had something out of a bag or box it would be possible… Blecch.
I guess the last thing on my mind is my spine – I have to wait until July 4 for a consult to go over the results of my MRI. I have no idea what they are going to say. My physiotherapist says that pretty much only shots or surgery are going to be offered to me as options. I’m not keen on either, but will take the shots just to feel like a normal person again. Heh. Like that is possible…
Right, let me find a picture to cheer myself up… Oh yes, here we go.
Okay maybe it’s too big. But I didn’t want you to miss the flailing kitty-arm! Neko and Spotty were having a big game that day, and I took a ton of photos I wanted to upload, and hubby took a video. I’ve just not gotten a round tuit yet for a real post, so I might put this shot up again later.
Right, need to go make a salad – one of these days I’ll share my dad’s dressing with you, it’s amazingly good and so easy!
heretherebespiders 
exhale….. !!! again! !!!
LOVE the photo. And I’ll always take down recipes for salad dressing. I’m a salad freak.
If they do a nerve block by injection, usually you can tell right away from the first treatment if it’s going to help.It actually has done the job for a couple of my clients whose backs had been beat up to the point of irritating nerve roots.
I have nightmares too, off and on, and I don’t remember my heart rate ever getting up. But sometimes I try to scream in the dream, and no sound comes out, which is the worst thing in the world.
I’ll try the shots, if offered – my concern is that I might hurt myself further by doing the things that hurt me now. I mean, it hurts for a reason, I don’t want to cause further damage…
Oh, and my sleeping partners would argue with you on the not-shouting-issue. I’m quite damn noisy, and flail about as well. I forget the name of the chemical/hormone that immobilises you in sleep, but I have always been rather short of it.
You do have a lot going on. When I get lke that, it helps me to put things into columns….one column for positive stuff and the other for negative stuff…like having the great new idea for a blog even though you aren’t sure you can do it without funding would be a positive. Then realize that the positive things are what I call “problems of abundance”. Then re-examine the negative things….is there any aspect of them that might be positive? Move that part over to the abundance column. Then looking at your neg list, ask yourself, which of these things do I have any control over? If you have control over something you can make a plan of action. If you haveno control, then you have to decide to stop worrying about it. Those are often the worst things, the scariest things but they are the most important things to let go of…so that is the hardest part. I will send positive vibes from this hot, dry ass place to your rainy dim place…… 🙂
YOU are massively organised! Sounds like advice my mother would have given, she was a great list-maker. I can easily segregate the things I have no control over and the ones I do. However, being positive isn’t one of my talents. I am excited about the idea, but haven’t told a soul what it is yet. Maybe I’m worried I’ll get shot down and discouraged, which happens too often when I think I have a good idea 🙂 Especially when it is a middle-of-the-night idea, those usually turn out to be rubbish in the dim light of day. I think this one might be a keeper, though it will involve a TON of online networking. At least I think I’ve learned a lot about how that’s done with this blog – or how to avoid it! I like my little group and can’t handle too many more followers here.
Bad back, Spiders? Don’t let them cut you! take it from me…you’ll never be the same. I’ve had three spinal fusions and I fell and fractured my spine..all in the last ten years. Basically, the top half of my corpus is bolted to the bottom with titanium rods and screws. I have what’s called FBSS (Failed Back Surgery SYndrome) and a consequential CPD (Chronic Pain Disorder) complicated by a disease called arachnoiditus…which is a direct result of the back surgeries. Be informed and BEWARE! Hope this scares you out of surgery…unless it’s absolutely necessary. Take care of yourself. I hope your MRI comes out okay…
To be honest, in a country that took nearly two years to even get me an MRI, I’m not too confident in letting them give me antibiotics much less spinal surgery. Any tips for getting disability, though? Not for me, for a friend in the US who has a tough judge and not much help from her current insurance co.
Hey Spiders – what you need is a Sockette to take your mind of things. Sounds like you need your mind taking off things big time. Hope the rain falls mainly in Spain and your MRI results are good. Really looking forward to the series of action shots – can just see that snake like paw getting ready to strike 😉
STILL waiting on Sockette! Argh! I know that’s a big part of my mind-set currently, and hers! As Tom Petty reminded us, the waiting is the hardest part!
Exhale… Inhale! Ánd repeat!
Do things one at a time. Mails to friends can wait, and instead of sending your father a card, you can call him? Orrr… Is that a bad idea? I’m sure he will understand, at least you’re thinking about him right?
I wish I could send you some sunny days, but it’s been raining her as well for the past 24 hours, the sky is gray, and the clouds are pissing. Buh.
If you don’t have time for a new blog to set up. It’s just not the right time. At least, that’s how I experienced it. I have had the idea for my blog for so long! But never got the time to start it, until a year ago. There will be a day, or a moment when you think “YES, I shall make that new blog right now!” and it will be the right time. 🙂 Write ideas down, or whatever you have been thinking about for that blog. And make sure you don’t lose that note!
I hope the MRI doesn’t show bad things, or anything bad in general. 😦 Sucks to be waiting for so long!
I was waiting for a Socks-post, that she already be having a super healthy baby already! But no, nothing yet. 😦
Not sure if that’s a good thing tho? I hope she is alright. It’s a shame you can’t have your weekly phone-session with her.
Take care of yourself, ok?
Of course I’ll call him, I just wanted to be a good kid for a change. It probably would get lost in the post anyway… again…sigh…
As we’ve said before, sometimes it just helps to get it out! I feel better after listing my worries.
I might have sun for two early hours in the morning, and then from 4 pm on. Hoping!
The blog idea… It’s pretty big. It’s one that could really help people, and maybe hurt some others, but overall it would be beneficial. And could make me a ‘name’ or a real presence online, which is a scary but fun idea! We will see. As above, I haven’t told anyone at all yet! 🙂
Nothing like a lot of rain…after a while it’s too annoying to even sleep through!
Thanks for the big cat picture – those flailing paws ( the German cringes just looking at that – reflex from RC Cat’s dominate personality)
Careful with the back. Go slow and get second opinions before surgery…they have made some progress with back surgery, but….must have an excellent doc for that…
Hope the salad brought tasty memories of sunshine!
Ugh, last year we had a blockage in our gutters and a hard rain spilled out RIGHT above the window which is on my side of the bed 🙂 splatter splatter for hours… I could and would sleep through thunder but not that!
Ah, poor German – don’t let her see the rest, if I get around to posting it! Or, maybe do – they are playing and having a good time, no animosity at all. Scary, when such a big dog only has to accidentally step wrong and kitty can be seriously hurt. So far no accidents but we supervise as best we can.
I’m growing rocket and purple sprouting broccoli and snow peas – but I forgot to grow spinach! I love a raw spinach salad; that is sunshine made edible.