The ‘Human Sacrifice’ Bit


So, I could have died last week. It wasn’t close, really – but it could have been, if I were as bad of a driver as my opponent.

Here’s the scene, as photographed the next day. This is the road I take to work every day, which is now a drive forever ruined by having to watch for a particular shitty grey station wagon…

Nice and big, and brighter that it was in reality as it was yet another grey morning.

See the cross road?

That’s where it leads – hard to see with all the vegetation. Like how I drew a yellow line, as if that road actually has any lines at all?

My attention was caught by a little grey station wagon rolling toward the intersection from the left. They weren’t really coming fast. I just had a feeling. But still, plenty of time for them to slow down before the intersection. But I kept my eye on them just in case.

They didn’t slow down. At all. Well, maybe a little bit, before they turned left on to the main road right in front of me. I was considerably closer by now – because I was doing 70 FUCKING MILES AN HOUR DOWNHILL. That’s about 100 FUCKING KPH DOWNHILL for my European readers. My little grey nemesis was doing about 20MPH.

X marks the spot where I was 100% sure they were not looking or stopping and I had to slam on the brakes. Not much time, but if I hadn’t been watching the little fucker I’d now be part of a Mini-sandwich.

My instinct wasn’t to hit the horn; my hands were busy making sure I didn’t lose control. A horn would have been too little too late at any rate. So, my massive ire had to be redirected into making it dammed clear that I was passing her – by now, I was close enough to know it was a her, with a him in the passenger seat – at the earliest opportunity. Which as predicted by that ‘bendy road ahead’ sign, wasn’t going to be right away. She made it worse by not even doing the speed limit or even trying to go faster to make up for slowing me down so much. Grrrrrrrr.

Until, of course, the way was clear for me to pass and THEN SHE SPEEDS UP. Just so my angry glaring face would be only a blur as I sped past mouthing insults at her, her car, her man friend, her ancestors and her children.

Then she slowed soooo far down that I could barely see her car behind me as she stopped in the middle of the road to DROP HER KID OFF FOR SCHOOL.

It almost would have been worth the wreck if I could have lived but taken out her whole gene pool.

21 responses »

  1. Ach, Spiders. No mini-sandwich. Defensive driving at its best–assuming the other guy is gonna be stoooopid. Don’t know how to say how happy I am that you are alive and well.

    • Thanks, m’dear! I neglected to say that I had the adrenaline shakes for a good 20 minutes afterward. I had to end with anger, because that’s the way I felt writing it out to the end…

      • Ooo, yeah! Shaking with fear and fury! Damn fool! Why do those folks get to stay in the gene pool, anyway?! There’s a movie called “The Darwin Awards,” which is of course about people who have done remarkably dumb things to remove themselves from the gene pool. Might cheer you up! >:-D

        • Never saw the movie, but I used to read them when they appeared yearly via email. Ah, the days before FB and Twitter! I was trying to get the poison out on the blog tonight too, but it’s 10:30 and I have to get up early tomorrow and I’m making dinner STILL and… sigh.

  2. When my baby was about 3 months old a truck pulling a trailer ran a stop sign and almost hit us. What’s worse is I don’t think the guy even knew it. He was on a fucking cell phone. We ended up at the same red light down the road.
    “Let me out! Let me the fuck out!” I yelled at my husband. He would not unlock the door because he knew I was gonna leap out of the car and run up to that driver and I probably would have yanked that phone out of his hand and either smashed it on the road or crammed it straight up his ass. I mean, I was FURIOUS. It still makes me mad to think of it. He could have killed my kid. (And I am still kinda pissed hubby wouldn’t unlock the door either)

  3. I have had some close calls like that. Not that long ago I was in a 7 car pileup on the highway. I probably had the least damaged car but it scared the hell out of me. Particularly when I looked to my left just before impact and saw a pickup truck airborne and turning upside down. Everything was in slow motion for me from the moment I heard the loud squeal of breaks far behind me. Afterward I was shaking and pissed off. A young girl, uninsured of course, had caused the whole thing. She had been speeding and talking on the phone and hadn’t noticed that the cars in front of her had stopped. It is these oblivious drivers that scare me the most.

    • Jazus. I notice two comments here about mobiles! It’s illegal here, the whole country, not that that stops anyone. Or, they just suddenly pull to the side (yes, you see how much “side” is available, right?) and talk while mostly blocking the road. That IS scary. Glad you were okay, too 🙂

    • Through no fault of my own I was a person upside down, momentarily airborne in a truck (Before sliding backwards) and I’ve been wondering sense how horrible that must have been for the people who saw it. Was it as terrifying as I thought it would be to see? Now I know.

      Thankfully I hit no one else and those people stopped to dig me out of the snow.

  4. Ghastly scene you paint. We have a thing about men driving wearing caps/hats and are particularly careful when we see one. That it was a woman dropping her kid off at school – what was she thinking of? That’s the problem though – not thinking. You were lucky, just think of it that way and try to regain your pleasure in driving that route 😉

    • That’s an old George Carlin stand up routine and SO true! “Beware any old woman who can’t see over the steering wheel, and any old man in a hat!” Uk and Ireland also have the ‘white van man’ who drives fast and recklessly, but is probably overall a good driver just drives so much it scares the rest of us when they pull the stunts they do.

  5. Oh, How I hate drivers like that! I don’t have a driving lisence, so I don’t drive yet. But I have.. Ugh, had a bike. And most drivers don’t stop for me, when they are supposed to stop, or things like that. Atleast that twat didn’t hit you or anything. What was she thinking?

  6. I can’t even tell you how often that happens to me. Or the person who suddenly realized RIGHT NOW that he had to cross two lanes to turn. I can’t even say how many times my good driving has kept me from being in a serious accident. I try to be constantly aware of everyone on the road because it seems like no one else is. It’s illegal to talk on a phone and drive in a lot of places now, but that doesn’t stop anyone, they all thing THEY are good at it. And I wish I could tell you I’ve never seen anyone text and driving, but I have. There’s a huge thing going on here where we are being encouraged to call and report erratic drivers, and you’d better be sure I have.

    I think this is one of those things that proves my theory that nearly everyone in the world truly sees themselves as the only people in the world. They do crap like that because they know YOU saw them or were looking out only for them. They can walk across the road without looking because everyone will stop for them. They wait until the last minute to buy Christmas gifts and get mad at the cashier when the newest fad is gone because clearly we should have now THEY were coming for one.

    The craziest thing I’ve seen someone do while driving? Eating with chopsticks. one hand on bowl one filled with chopsticks, and I don’t think they had a 3rd.

    • A good friend of mine would READ THE NEWSPAPER while he drove. I went insane when I saw him doing that! I find the idea that people expect me to take care of them just horrible. Maybe we should start that commune…

Thoughts? Gardening tips? Cocktail recipes? Don't just like and leave, please - I can talk for Ireland and would love to prove it!

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