You’re welcome, butt-cheeks.

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I’ve been ‘spring’ cleaning today. The quotation marks are there because while it is undoubtably spring, I haven’t cleaned properly since before Christmas. Pretty much that makes this ‘much-delayed-post-holiday’ cleaning.

I knew I’d put off a good cleaning too long when I found a paper party hat that came out of a Christmas cracker under the couch. And a bit of a Pringle chip, which is something I only allow myself when I am on holiday and eat a whole can at one sitting. The Diet does not exist during holidays, and why should it? I’m pudgy because I love food (if you can really call Pringles food) and the holidays are about enjoying yourself. Well, mine are.

And: don’t I have a dog to take care of things like stray food on the floor? Sheesh, do your job, Neko.

Anyhoo, I went whole-hog with my cleaning efforts. This is not a one day, or even a one week, task. I take the DVD’s down and wipe or vacuum them. Same the books (less damp-wiping, natch). All the geegaws and knickknacks are wiped, vacced, or actually washed. I have a lot of crap. A lot of interesting and precious things, I mean. Nah, I was probably closer with ‘crap.’

In any case, it’s MY crap, and I’m sick of not being able to tell if a CD is Tori Amos or Metallica or Supertramp because of the thick layer of dust and dog hair covering my small collection of music.

Dust… when you think about it, or to be more realistic, do not think about it, it’s sort of clean. Until you remove some. Then everything that is still dusty looks like shite. Sigh.

I am, actually, a bit of a ‘clean freak,’ above observations notwithstanding. My house is an absolute mess, but it’s not dirty. (I already said dust is clean, right?) I mean, it’s not muddy or greasy or covered in sticky stuff that is better off not closely examined. There is just so much damn stuff! I wish I could be more minimalist like my sister, or my best friend, but… I hoard. There’s nothing like not having things to make you appreciate having things, to excess.

Which brings me, at length, to the reason for this post. Finally. Heh.

Last night the hubby, iDJ, was saying how he’d like to buy me a bigger, nicer, pillow to sit on in front of the fireplace. He first suggested a beanbag chair, which I vetoed as it would be too high, and I learned a long time ago that beanbag chairs are extraordinarily attractive to cats. For use as a toilet. Very much a situation where they were covered in sticky stuff better not examined – or smelled.

His next suggestion was a large, flat, but still fluffy, pillow. One sort of like…yes, exactly like…the dog bed my sister has for her greyhound. You cannot imagine my pleasure in hearing that my loving hubby thinks I should sit on a dog bed.

See, there’s nothing wrong with the little pillows I sit on. Yes, they are hairy – what isn’t in this house? Yes, they are really, really flattened from me squashing them with my pudgy arse for over a year. And yep, now that I think about it, they are probably over twenty years old.

So, because I’m a cheapo, tight-arse, hoarding type: during my cleaning frenzy I tossed my flat, old, hairy pillows into the dryer for 20 minutes to fluff them up and get some of the hair off. Worked like a charm! Too much charm for one of them, though – it went all lumpy. When I finally plunked myself down to rest it just was…horrible. The Diet has worked well enough since Christmas that my arse is a bit more bony and didn’t appreciate the new lumpy feeling underneath it.

Dammit, I don’t want to sit on a dog bed!

And still being a cheapo tight-arse, I decided I could pull all the stuffing out and see if it was fluffable. Super easy; they made pillows with zippers 20 years ago, and the fibre-fill was right there for removing. So I did, and I proceeded over the next 15 minutes or more to make a puffy mountain of filler in my living room.

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I never would have done this if I hadn’t vacuumed and – shock of shocks – mopped! today.

Now, how the living hell am I meant to fit all that back into a case that is only about 18″/46cm square?

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Empty case for size.
Well, it came outta there, so it has to fit back in, right? Never mind that I’ve never done this before, and the chances of my creating an even lumpier pillow are quite high. Also never mind that the cats and dog are watching me make this shreddy, entertaining disaster. I can only hope they are smart/obedient enough to realise this is only something two-legs are allowed to do… but you see how Neko’s giant octopus toy is right next to the fluff-pile – yes, she was holding it and observing me closely. Damn…

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Final result, with the other, non-fluffed pillow for comparison. I done good! It wasn’t that much work, saved me at least €20 of well-intentioned hubby purchases, and it really does feel a lot better to sit on. Of course, now I’ll have to fluff the other one, too…

I will admit that the first time I sat down, I rolled right off the back of the suddenly-pouffy pillow and nearly cracked my head on a bookshelf. At least I wouldn’t have gotten dust in my hair.

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20 responses »

  1. Too funny!! Made me laugh out loud! Thank you so much for sharing this. I too like to “collect” and agree whole-heartedly that dust is clean. You know you’re in a good relationship when hubby can suggest sitting on a dog bed and wifey doesn’t take offense. Looking forward to more… Julie

  2. If there were exams for cleaning I’d fail them miserably. Sometimes there are dust-balls the size of triffids under our bed. I have at times been quite worried that one may engulf us in the night. Anyway, good for you for being so industrious – and I’m so glad you’re re-fluffed!

  3. You posted pictures of piles of fluff. I have never seen pictures of piles of fluff on the Internet before. This may be a first. I’m going to Google “piles of fluff” and see if your name comes up, Spiders.

  4. My dearie you really hit it home with that last bit about rolling off the back of the newly fluffed pillow! I nearly peed myself from laughter! Serves you right for saving money and doing this on your own 😉 It twas just the pillow playfully giving you a “good job” shove on the arm as a thank you for not throwing it away!

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