He’s Gone.


Spot died last night, at the veterinarian’s. We said goodbye this morning, and will bring home his ashes tomorrow. 

About heretherebespiders

Immigrant American living in Ireland. Sarcastic, decrepit. Loads of interests: reading, plants, pets, food, art, writing, drinking, space, politics, feminism, quantum theory. Not 'girly' and not interested in being so.

57 responses »

    • We are going to see Bengal kittens on Saturday. A good place where she also helps greyhounds, and is a friend of a best friend of mine. I might make a human friend as well as get a new family member. Lokii is so upset, not projecting human emotions on him. He’s a Siamese so will always be good with kittens.

      • Just went and looked. Sweetie boy.

        I was thinking about when my late and ex died. He had been okay in the hospital for a couple months despite metastatic cancer — reading, listening to music, playing his chess games, flirting with all the nurses who one and all just loved him. He went to a nursing home where it wasn’t so good, and the chemo started kicking his ass and in five days he was back in the hospital. He couldn’t track reality all that well and was clearly in bad shape, and I kept just changing the music on his headphones. I was there through all sorts of crap with his oxygen etc. and called his relatives and then just sat and held his hand while occasionally giving him ice. And I thought, I need to make sure my phone has enough minutes. I let go his hand and turned the chair away so I could see what I was doing and put more minutes on the fucking phone and when I turned back, he was gone.

        A few times since then I’ve read how people hang on until their families are away or distracted and then… that’s when they go. The hospice nurses say they think it’s because people will hang on when their nearest are still there.

        So I wish he came back home, but maybe he was also most comfortable leaving when you weren’t there. He was very sick and needed to go… I wish you could have been with him too. Cats make their own decisions, I guess.

        Lots of love for everyone.

        • That is a sad story, and I’m sorry. Stupid phone. It is how life gets in the way of death, sometimes.
          I had to go home for dinner when my mom was dying. The call came right in the middle of the meal. She always said how much she regretted not being there when her mother died, too. The nurse on the phone said mom thought she was me…but none of us went back to the hospital for details. I’ve been kinda fucked up since then, actually. Death and cancer together do very bad things to my head. It turns out Spot had the bad cancer; the results came back today. So it was untreatable in any case. But I could have lived with the stinky wet poops and plant eating (to induce puking) for a while longer. He was still happy and playful all the time.
          He’s back, in a really lovely rounded wooden urn. We think we’ll get the bigger version and put our good dog boy Shade into it, they loved each other so much in life. They were brought to Ireland by me 11 years ago, together. Losing Shade messed me up so badly I still don’t talk about him. Spot will be worse.

        • sledpress please be comforted. I have worked in a surgical ICU for four years, my husband for 12 years. We have found that people often refuse to pass, hanging on to the last shred of what could be called life until their loved ones were either ready and said so, or their loved ones left the room. Even at the life death moment many individuals couldn’t let themselves go with the thought it would harm a loved one. Your husband loved you. You loved him. He couldn’t go while you still held him. So when you let go his hand , he took that as your OK for him to move on, out of any possible hurt, out of any harm, to what is next for all of us.

          My own father was in a coma but wouldn’t pass until I was on the phone with him and told him I was safe and it was OK. He died on the phone with me. It was my gift to him.

          You gave a gift that hurt. I guess it still hurts today. But please know it was a gift. many tearful hugs.

          • You two will likely get along quite well. Sled, meet Scottie. His life has been an entire nightmare and he still gives hugs to everyone, anyway. He is what we in Ireland would call an absolute dote. Best of compliments.

            • Thank you, anyone who feels so deeply and is a commenter on your blog has to be a grand person. I am honored to meet her. I open my self, my world to her, and if she wants she may connect with me in all I know, skype, email, comments, and as I learned from you facetime. Again dear sweet friend, do take care of yourself, know I and all here care. Hugs

          • I had developed a feeling that exactly this was what happened. I felt for a while like I’d been neglectful, then realized he slipped out when he could. Thank you for the confirmation. He still comes back in the form of a few pieces of music that seem to come over the radio at just the right time. It was very rough for a long while after — that was in 2007 — but I was always glad he was spared a long drawn out hospital horror.

            • You are a sweet understanding soul. Best wishes to you. I think you were a great comfort to your husband. Many hugs

  1. ahhhh, so sad, poor Spot. I think he had a very happy life and of that you should be proud. Big virtual hug coming your way.

    • Thank you. He’s already back home, the Animal Hospital in Castlebar are our vets and their new cremation facility makes a bad situation easier. I know they treated him with the utmost respect and care. We had a lot more love to give him, but it was untreatable cancer.

      • Only cat owners can truly understand, as with any pet owner.
        You probably remember me mentioning that at one time we had 21 cats.
        A few years ago we lost so many from feline aids it nearly unhinged us. There was nothing we could do and we were losing them right left and centre.
        But nothing stays the same and things stabilized. You come to terms with it and learn to remember the good aspects , as corny as that sounds.

        • Oh I’m so sorry. I’ve had my battle with that disease, too. Horrible. I couldn’t do 21, it’s not safe outside here. But it is why I’m not a vet, actually. I was 15 and having to have a kitten put to sleep for that, and crying my heart out. I realised right then that I couldn’t do that as a job and not lose my own shit every time, too. A vet that cries like a 15 year old girl at every death won’t get much else done. I hate hate hate to cry, and I can’t stop right now. I’m lucky my work understands, or that I have holiday time to use at least.

          • I hear you about not being a vet. Could’t do that job other. First time I had to leave a cat at the vet I was at home on my own, the rest of the family were in Portugal.I had to stay because of business.
            When I gave the nod to the vet I lost it as well.
            And when I reversed the car in the car park I bumped into an electrical box! Nuts, eh?

            We lost our first boxer dog to cancer. She was only 6. She passed away lying on my lap in the bedroom.

            For what it’s worth, it will pass, trust me.

    • Thank you. Sorry I didn’t reply sooner, I had to make sure you were a real person! I get some odd balls sometimes. You wouldn’t think a simple blog like mine would, but it happens. I miss him a lot, hard to imagine 14+ years as best friends could end like this.

  2. There’s nothing really fitting to say when something like this happens, but I will say that I am sorry for your loss and if you ever need to talk you know where to find me. I’m sending all the love your way that I possibly can.

  3. I never know what to say at times like this. “Sorry to hear” never seems to cover it. B-(

    It feels wrong to ‘Like’ this post… So you will forgive me if I don’t.

    They say laughter is the greatest cure…. So… Daft cat vids!

  4. again I am so sorry for your loss, for all of your family. I wanted to tell you Milo was getting annoying wanting to being in and out of my lap at my desk. Then I remembered what you are going through. I drew him in and let him have his way of getting back into my lap. So much I want to say, so much I can’t. Best wishes. Many hugs. Lots of tears. Hugs

  5. The other cats always know. We had one that died at home in the night and the three other cats stood watch until we got up. So sorry. I still miss the departed cats including one who died 30 years ago.

  6. I am soooo sorry, my friend! It’s so terribly hard to lose a fur baby. They are such huge parts of our lives and our hearts. I’m so glad he was purring for you. When I found Monkey she was hemorrhaging from her mouth and I started crying and crying. She reached for me and tried to purr. I held her has she passed. In one way it is a comfort in another way it isn’t. I know you understand.

    I just wish they could live forever with us. Forever.

    Love you,

Thoughts? Gardening tips? Cocktail recipes? Don't just like and leave, please - I can talk for Ireland and would love to prove it!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s