I feel weird


I’m outside, in the shivery cold, wearing two shirts, my ‘smoking jacket’, sweats, socks and slippers. The moon is bright and directly in front of me, and I hear nothing but car tires whispering in the distance, an occasional bird who hasn’t realised that it is dark out, and a few thumps and bumps from the neighbours’ house.

It’s quiet because iDJ isn’t here and so there is no music playing – for a change. You have no idea how much I appreciate a non-musical interlude. He’s off buying me cream for my coffee and taking a brand new PC to its new owners – he does computer work on the side and fuck me but it took hours to set up a brand new Dell out of the box. Crazy. Hope he gets some cash for this. (Edit – he did)

Thumps and bumps are because we live in a semi-d. I share a wall with strangers. Well, not that we don’t ever talk but we have SFA in common, other than a dislike for the new neighbours in the estate who leave their yappy dog out all day and all night and never ever make it shut the hell up.

I smell the smoke of fires, mine and theirs – mine is coal and turf briquette, theirs is wood. The air is still enough that the smoke sifts down to me where I sit in the patch of light coming through our sliding glass doors. Shivering.

I don’t want to go in, even if I have a fire waiting. Outside it’s dry, and not windy, and my back feels ever-so-much better if I sit up straight in my Coleman camp chair. Sitting properly is something I do not do when huddled in front of the fire trying to blow my nasty cigarette smoke up the chimney.

I think I’m getting something. A cold, the flu, a bad reaction to having infected teeth. I haven’t been ill in over a year – I forget what the signs are. I feel weird. Stuffed up, but totally able to breathe through my nose. Achy, but just my neck. Headachy, but I’m used to that. We will see. I have another cold sore. This makes two in three weeks. A sure sign my resistance is low and I’m fighting off some horrible nastiness. For me to admit I don’t feel ‘right’ at all probably means I have something seriously wrong. Heh. Not. Heh.

We got free fish today. A friend of iDJ’s brought us cleaned and filleted mackerel. I don’t cook fish, I haven’t the talent. I leave eggs and fish to himself; he has the touch. I was mostly annoyed that I have to wash a raw-fish smelling bowl, and felt a bit odd that we were getting free meat out of the boot of a taxi. I guess that’s my do-something-for-the-first-time observation for the day.

A not new thing I’ve been wanting to mention is something that happens daily on my drive in to work. Same road, same time, every morning, I meet a school bus coming the other way. The bus-driver lifts a hand from the wheel and greets me. Every day.

How cool is that? I don’t know him, I don’t live in that town, and I don’t have kids on his bus. He knows my car and knows I’m there, and gives a little hello. I love Ireland. I would never get that in the States. I give it back, of course. Two ships vehicles passing in the night morning. It cheers me as I sit in my little blue and white box, music (that I love, a rarity) so loud I can’t hear my own engine, on my way to another day of work. I look forward to seeing that bus coming at me.

Himself is home, and the dog is tap-dancing in glee and the cats are talking to him – because he talks back, of course. I expect the music to start any second now, he’s standing at the Mac…

25 responses »

  1. That is pleasant – sitting out in the chill (with the determined bird) and the wave of hand by the bus driver – In TX on country roads / rural areas you still get a nod or two finger wave – and a slight pull to the right with a wave to tell you to go ahead and pass because you are going faster than they are. Remnants of a more peaceful existence.
    Do take care – your immune system is worn down.

    • The last city I lived in before moving here was Cleveland OH. So big that I got out of the habit of looking at faces inside cars coming the other way, or faces of people walking toward me on the street. Here, I’m more likely to run into someone I know anywhere at all in the country than I was in all of Cleveland. I have to fight tractors for road-space nearly every day, though – no room to pass!

      • you sound like you, I think. perhaps the *extra* external noise has abated some? I dunno–to me, you sound quiescent, which is a good thing.

        I hope you start feeling better soonest. Your poor immune system has been working overtime.

        • I’m writing to write – using the blog like a diary or Morning Pages. That was my original intention for it, anyway – blogging as therapy and creative inspiration…

          I thought I was getting better, but now I’m not so sure. I AM sure that if I’m going to go full-blown sick, it will be on Thursday when my doctor is closed. Them’s the rules.

          • That’s a good plan and you inspire me to at least think about writing again. Have to move through a fog first….

            Then you’ll have to wait till Friday for the doc and will be forced to rest! Do you hate that as much as I do or is it just me?!

            • Yep. its not fiction, its a brain dump about nothing at all but sometimes it works. Some rest would be nice… I’m going to bed on time tonight and cross my toesies that some sleep makes it all better 🙂

              We have a bank holiday on Monday, so a day off for free – and that is surely a great time to be stuck on the couch! Again, them’s the rules.

            • May I say that your brain dump was a pleasant meander? I could feel you wandering through your own thoughts…. such a lovely quality– and I just don’t know how to describe it.

  2. THAT’S the Spider I know and love. I sat there with you, silently soaking in every detail. I drank each sip as if it were the last I’d ever be offered. Ah, just what I needed. I love you.

  3. You’re having your moment of quietness. 🙂
    I love preparing fish! It’s the only thing I can cook and give a good taste to. But secrelty I love it cause it drives the cats crazy. Hihi.

  4. Holy mackerel. That was the noxious substance that lured Bugs out from under the house that first time. Do people eat that too?

    Stay warm and well, if possible. If not, stay warm and inside.

  5. Whenever I visit my bestie in the next town over, it always catching me by surprise when people wave to me. I’m usually a second too late on the wave back for them to see me. For some reason, in that town, everyone waves whether they know you or not.

  6. When you’re really pro at the wave giving and receiving, you can just lift your index finger off the wheel, and it will pass as greeting.
    Pretty much all vehicles and pedestrians waved to each other when I was growing up. But there were fewer of us then.

  7. People wave here. Not bypassing each other in Anchorage or Wasilla proper, but on many of the other roads we do. It’s kinda nice. And even weirder… people stop to help here. Can you imagine such a thing? and it’s contagious. You see it happening and before you know it you’re pulling over to help some stranger.

    I drive Kwix nuts because I have to have constant sound of some sort. TV, Radio something to drown out all the other noises that drive me nutty. He’s very sweet about it, and even though I have offered many a time to have a quiet day every week where maybe I wear head phones he’s not taken me up on it. However we do occasionally have dinner outside during the summers. Sadly my brain is constantly thinking “Turn on the TV, turn on the TV” it’s kind of annoying.

Thoughts? Gardening tips? Cocktail recipes? Don't just like and leave, please - I can talk for Ireland and would love to prove it!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s