Bwah-haw-haw! A PUMPKIN!!!! She’s got another living being, inside of her own living being, that’s the size of a gawd-damn pumpkin! Hahahahahhaa!
Okay, she understands why I think this shit is so funny, and doesn’t hate me for it – even though I did feel the need to explain to her yesterday on the phone why I did nothing but laugh last Thursday when we got a rare Skype moment. You see, to me, being so far away, she’s the exact same person she’s always been. I just cannot mentally picture my best friend being any different. She is who she is, and I love her to bits for it. I can hear about water weight gain, and swollen ankles and foots, but I just don’t see it. Not in my head. My mental image of Socks is probably not much like her actual physical being, though – being so far away for so many years, my head-image of her is a composite of the facial expressions I see in photos, memories, and her overwhelmingly awesome personality. Whatever an intelligent, no-nonsense, hardworking, logical, thoughtful, funny, irreverent, responsible, sarcastic, confident and just plain sexy (my personal definition of sexy; I totally think my BF is hot) woman looks like to you, that’s what Socks looks like in my head.
So… seeing her, in a tight, black and white, horizontally-striped tank top just set me off into paroxysms of laughter. She’s hyoooge! And I know she’ll snap right back afterward, back to someone I can see on Skype and not be giggling my hole off at. And I don’t mean physically – not exactly – I mean… I’ll know when she feels different, when she can move properly and help with the new house renovations and just… be Socks again.
Which might be a problem, in all fairness. Who amongst you moms found that you were almost a different person after becoming a mom? Did you notice? Did you think it was a change for the better? Could you go back to who you were, and would you want to? I’m wondering for a few reasons: one because I know damn well I’d be a shit parent of a human. Two, because this is something Socks used to worry over but now she doesn’t. I am someone who likes to observe and is fascinated by human nature, and I really, really, am interested by this change in my best friend.
I’d love your input – the people I’ve met via this blog are so very insightful and willing to give hard questions a proper mulling-over.
Okay just had a totally freaky thing where condensation from my beer-glass (previous post) dripped on the bottom right corner of my iPad and it went nutso for a bit – kept changing case randomly. Might be a temperature-difference thing?
Anyhoo – Socks has a Pumpkin. Last week was a ‘winter melon’ whatever that is. Neither she nor I can be bothered to figure it out. But last week, on Friday, she had her last ultrasound and everything is good. She’s got two weeks left, but if Button comes now she’ll be fine and at least 7lbs. Doc said there’s nothing to do but wait, and stop taking the baby-aspirin.
There’s no sign of Button coming now, though! Socks is just starting to have Braxton-Hicks contractions, which she says are usually over before she’s realised they have started. Her terrible swelling has gone down – 4lbs in the last week! – which startled her doctor until she explained just how bad it had gotten. Her cure? Loads of water intake, and watery fruit as a snack – grapes, watermelon, etc. Yum.
She’s also staved off stretch marks with sweet almond oil, and no sign of varicose veins either. Doing well, and lucky – not to say by any means these things are bad, it’s just sort of the last thing you need when even the Internet is saying you’ve got something the size of a pumpkin in your abdomen – and in only 9 short months, I’m amazed anyone’s skin and legs could keep up with that!
Yesterday, Socks and Bear drove to Ikea to buy a dresser for Button. Mostly because the shipping was $200 and I don’t care what you drive, a 3hr round trip won’t cost you that much. It was interesting to hear that Bear kept pointing out that everyone was staring. As Socks said, ‘I was in a bright pink tank top. I’d be hard to miss! But how often does anyone see a nearly full-term pregnant lady out in public? They don’t go out. They hide.’
Socks: ‘We worked hard for this belly, why hide it?’
Bear: ‘You couldn’t if you tried.’
Poor Bear, though. As the end draws nigh he is getting really upset about the idea that he has to see his beloved wife in real pain. He’s a big strong manly man, but this is one thing he knows he isn’t strong enough to handle. Or thinks he isn’t – Socks and I know he’ll make it, even if he does faint. Neither of us will think that’s a sign of weakness – it’s totally a sign of true love.
Socks, on the other hand, isn’t afraid of the imminent pain. She’s just excited. I hope I can relate this properly – she said that all of this time, Button has just been a concept, an idea. Not to her – once the terror of another miscarriage had passed – but to us. To everyone else, on the outside of her body, Button is still an idea, a theory. Socks is thrilled with the idea that she will soon get to share with others the person she’s been interacting with through pokes, kicks, hiccups, random movements, sharp pains, and those long, slow nights when she just listens to what is happening inside of her and plans for the future.
heretherebespiders 
—> “. Who amongst you moms found that you were almost a different person after becoming a mom? Did you notice? Did you think it was a change for the better? Could you go back to who you were, and would you want to?”
These are great questions, and ones I think few people actually address with mother’s to be. I am different than I used to be since my daughter’s birth. (Actually I wrote in some detail about it in one of my posts if you are really interested) Mainly, I am more sensitive and uuber empathetic to the hurts of children and very sensitive to all the horrible stuff about people (especially parents) harming kids on the news. Much more sensitive to this stuff than I used to be. It actually IS troubling at times how much it bothers me.
On the other hand though, I have never been a “kid person” and still do not think I am, however, I am much more understanding of, say, the kid screaming in the supermarket, more likely to feel bad for the kid instead of just annoyed by them.
Incidentally, I have not changed much in that I am still aggressive, crude, and curse like a sailor. LOL
Ahahha – now, in these things you are way more like me than Socks 🙂 Except she has gotten PISSED that a stranger upbraided her for saying crap when obviously pregnant:. “orilly. Can’t say ‘crap’ around someone that will be shitting on my hands for the next few years? Fuck you, fuck you very much!”
People have some VERY strange ideas about what is harmful to kids and what isn’t… like I’d say “yes, crap…like today, my kid reached in her own diaper, got CRAP on her hand, and then cried about it… Howz that do it for ya, nosypants!”
http://alienredqueen.wordpress.com/2012/03/23/being-a-mom-has-turned-me-into-a-total-wimp/ <—- there's that link BTW…
Henestly, what are your choices there? It’s a fact that for a few years, a perfectly intelligent adult has to spend a lot of time looking at, thinking about, smelling, touching, and cleaning up human poop. You sort of have to have a sense of humour about it, don’t you? But – how is crap even a bad word unless you are calling someone else crap? will read tomorrow – time for bed now 🙂
Ah, I’m so sorry that I’ve never gotten or made the time to read your past posts! I bet you think think the same way I do, ‘hey, I covered that’ but it’s rare that I go back and read everything! Which is good and bad – obviously there is something that attracted us together and everyhing since just proves how much we have in common – but I still think that you know all I’ve blathered on about and I bet you think I know all of yours too – and of course we don’t. I always think, okay, I’m caught up on current stuff, time to read a book! But honestly your stories are way more interesting. A long winded way of saying, please send me the link or a tag because I’m a bit lazy and/or drunk right now 🙂
Hahah…wish I was drunk! And no, I didn’t assume you read it, but I did want to sort of let you know it was there without seeming like I was advertising my own blog on your comments section (cuz I HATE when ppl do that!)
Well, I don’t mind it – in my small circle, I’m grateful when someone points me in a direction that educates me 🙂
I’m not a mother, so I wouldn’t know. But I’ve seen friends who got a kid changing, and some didn’t. Most of them are still young, and in my opinion too young to be a mother. They still want to be young, and want to go out. And dump their baby at their parents while they go out and get drunk every weekend. But somehow lack the responsibility they need for the baby.
I know a friend who left her baby alone with a dog so she could meet up with her boyfriend. Her kid was two years by that time, and was totally feaked out when she realized her mother was gone. I believe she’s been crying for her mom the entire time.
Some people do not change, after having a kid. I think.
But some people do, some people change in a good way, and turn out to be perfect mothers, and they combine their life/job with the baby. I respect those mothers (and fathers). I do think that having a baby changes you. You are/need to be responsible for something so little, something so fragile. But personality wise? Your own children are always your weakest spot. Maybe all the other things they used to worry about, don’t seem important anymore. And the subjects they’ve worried about change to diapers, and bottles?
I’m not sure. Just rambling.
Absoloutely – having a child too young is a terrible idea. For parents and child! Some people are great at it, though not most. Those are sad stories, I couldn’t stay friends with someone who did that. But maybe it is a cry for help, that parenthood is too much and they cannot handle it? If you say that out loud I bet everyone laughs and says, oh yes, we all think it’s too hard! So the only way to ask for help is to do something clearly wrong to bring attention to the situation.
It does seem strange, as a capable adult, to have to spend so much time and energy on another person. I mean, I love kittens and puppies, but a kitten for three years? No thanks. Even worse, a permanent puppy! Which is why I like wolf-like dogs, they mature faster. But a baby can’t understand even as much as a month-old pup, and I need feedback, myself. I like kids at age five best – so curious and questioning and able to have a conversation.
Socks made SURE to do it right. She refused to be an unprepared, financially insecure, parent. I’m so proud of her – her first house all her own, and first baby (she wants one more). Like my sister, she’s gotten her fun youth playtime out of the way and is ready for this new stage. I can’t wait!
Yea, that person and I aren’t friends anymore. Not because of the baby really, and what she did.
A kitten is cute. Sometimes I wish they could stay a kitten for a longer time. But I know that would drive me crazy! Hahaha.
I personally think I’m not great with kids. I try my best tho. It also depends in how the parents raised the kid. For example, my boyfriends’ niece and cousin are adorable, so sweet. I wouldn’t mind babysitting them! Their mother did such a good job in raising them!
But a baby that’s only a few months old. I don’t know, I never know what to do when they give it to me, and I’m holding it for a few minutes before my arm starts getting sore. And it’s drooling and staring at me like it’s going to kill me, or like it can vomit over me any second.
I’m sure Socks will be just fine! It sounds like she did a really good job to be prepared! And I don’t doubt her, she’ll be a great mother. 🙂 From all the stories that I’ve heard. No doubt about it!
Hahah! ‘it’s drooling and staring at me like it’s going to kill me’ Exactly! Like you’re a tasty treat to be eaten on the spot or barfed on to digest and eat later, like The Fly 🙂 I’m not good with kids either – I didn’t like them when I was one, so why subject myself to them now? But even for me that changes when it’s my niece, or how it will with Button. And, a friend’s 10-year old boy who has Down’s Syndrome, surprisingly (to me), he’s a little scary with the energy but really sweet.
—> “. Who amongst you moms found that you were almost a different person after becoming a mom? Did you notice? Did you think it was a change for the better? Could you go back to who you were, and would you want to?”
I am definitely different. I am much more patient (at least with them, haha) and I am happier because they give me a reason to laugh every single day. My hair went from very straight to somewhat curvy. There are other changes I am not happy with. My metabolism has completely stopped so I gain weight at the drop of hat. I am certainly more sleep deprived. And I worry more…about all those things I can’t control and protect my kids from. Overall it is better. The only thing I would want to get back is my size 8 body, which is never going to happen (or isn’t going to happen until the kids go off to college). But if I had to trade my kids for my old self, no I wouldn’t go back.
In re to the feeling of knowing your baby before they are born…yes, I felt that way. Women do have a leg up on men in this regard. it definitely affects bonding for some men. Some Dad’s are transported by the birth of their child and start bonding the first time they hold the infant. Others don’t really bond with their baby until it can interact and some even later in the toddler years. regardless of when it happens, it almost always (99%) chance it will happen. Tell Bear to talk to the baby up close and personal or even sing (singing well or bad makes no difference). The baby will react to his voice and already know him when he/she is born. My son would move inside of me every time he heard his fathers voice and my daughter always reacted to piano music.
The worrying seems to be a common theme amongst the commenters! I would never expect Socks, or you, to do anything detrimental to your offspring ‘just’ to get your figure back. Firstly it’s nearly impossible – your hips in particular spread so your weight will always be higher and measurements bigger becuase there just plain is more of you. But… hips are sexy 🙂 I’d not be terribly welcoming to one of my blog readers who chose their looks over caring for a child.
I can’t speak to maternal/paternal emotions myself, which is why this is interesting to me. I think Bear is terrified, but will be just fine and fall in love the moment he sees his daughter. I like to tease him here, because I know he doesn’t read this, and it might give Socks a place to talk ‘smack’ through me: when in reality, they communicate unbelievably well. He’s a really good man, just scared after 12 years of marriage to see all these physical and emotional changes in his best friend!
Yeah, what you’re saying about Bear makes sense. Since the baby isn’t a REAL person to him yet, he worries about his wife, who is. Most men are that way. And once they see their baby, that’s it. It’s love at first sight. That, in and of itself, is incredible to witness. No matter what has happened between me and my ex-husbands, I will carry the moment they held their child and fell in love with them, to my grave.
That’s a lovely thing to say about exes! It sounds like you all loved each other ‘best’ in that moment.
Yes, you have captured it perfectly…we loved each other best in that moment. Now if I could just find someone to have lots of moments like that over a long period of time then I might actually be able to have a healthy romantic relationship! Lol…well if I can be good at my profession and a good mother, then if I never have the third thing…oh well. To qoute Meatloaf, 2 out 3 ain’t bad. 😉
If I ever got pregnant I would wear stuff to show that belly off. Being pregnant is something to be proud of, not ashamed.
A friend of mine was once bad mouthed for talking like a normal human to her 2 year old. The woman INSISTED she shouldn’t be speaking normally to her daughter she should only be using baby talk. WTF?!! So, just ignore other people, half the time they are crazy!
I’ve always wondered if I would change if I had children. What if all that wanting and needing turned into me not liking being a parent? Would I not like me? Would Kwix not like me? After years of yearning I’ve slowly be learning to be happy that Kwix and I can be a couple without a child to interfere. I like who we are. That’s not to say that want doesn’t constantly burn in me…. but I’m learning to see the small bright spots of being childless.
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