I’m pretty much inebriated. Yay! But here I am nonetheless, willing to talk shite. Wait, shouldn’t that be nonetheless? Ok it just looks odd… I trust predictive text a bit too much, especially when in my cups.
I want to know when that miniature American flag appeared upstairs, situated in one of my coddled, overwintered, tomato plants. The veg is my domain, indoor or out – why are my ‘maters suddenly patriotic for a country they never lived in? iDJ has some ‘splainin to do. It’s not even July 4 yet…
So, em, why am I here, again? I have no real reason. Maybe I just want to test my iPad’s idea of what I mean to say against what it thinks I mean to say. Gotta say, it knows me and knows me well. It still tries to correct me when I type anyhoo – and just did again – but I do that for a reason! I want you to read me the way I speak – and I use slang, and ‘bad language’ all the time, every day.
I’m endlessly fascinated with the differences in pronunciation, common expressions, and just plain expletives people use in my adoptive country. As an American by birth who had a mother who wouldn’t even say ‘pee,’ or ‘fart,’ it is a real release for me to be able to say, all the time, the seven words you can’t say as listed by my comedic hero, George Carlin.
He doesn’t even get close to what I hear (or say) here, though. Yesterday I heard an Irishman put together the most impressive string of blasphemous complaints that I refuse to type it out – because at this point in my ramble it would just be crass instead of my usual take on a ‘bad’ word being the right word at the right time. However, I’m surprised that such a ‘religious’ and Catholic culture seems perfectly fine with words that… well, they are just words… are horrifying to so many in my home country.
And, being rather drunk – I feel the extreme need to share the best one ever! I’ll be polite for the moment, but be warned: anyone who asks will get the answer in the comments…
heretherebespiders 
I’m askin’! I ain’t a-scared-a nuttin’! >:-D
Actually–this post is funny also to me because a friend goes to a nondenominational church here and she is quite forthright about how, during lunch with the minister, the minister said fuck. More than once. They say it in church, too! My kinda place except it’s a church and that’s not my kind of place!
I wanna go to THAT church!
Nope – me either! My sis is/was interested in a Unitarian (?) church – maybe she’ll pop up here and give us the real story; as I said I’m pretty drunk. I think if I need a group, knitting would be a better fit for me…
The big bad word is cuntish. Its base is cunt, the worst ever word, by just about everyone’s estimation – but made even worse because it makes an act…well, cuntish. I really like it, and say it, but it isn’t a word that pops up easily in writing!
I’ve always thought “gobshite” was particularly revolting.
I’ve read that the French have a wonderful verb, “deconner,” meaning to discunt, that is to pull out, and oddly it is supposed to mean something like “quit work and kick back.” Makes you wonder about French lovers.
I kind of like discunt, too! Shame it sounds like discount. Like Minlit I never really thought about gobshite meaning a mouthful of shit. They use ‘hole’ here in a way that gives me disgusting mental pictures: “He was being cuntish so she kicked him up the hole’ or ‘I wouldn’t bother my hole about that.’ Eww.
Haha… you’re rambling “nonetheless” cracked me up… You spelled it the exact same way both times… You sound more like you’re stoned than drunk. XD
It looked better the second time!
Haha… That’s funny.
I must have been drunk myself when I commented. I used the wrong “Your”… and I am usually so careful about that, cuz it annoys me when I see people mix up homonyms.
Watched The Guard not so long ago,and thought it was an almost documentrary-like study in the English of Ireland.
Never considered the implications of gobshite, but can see what sledpress means….
Excellent movie!
From one user of profanity to another, I love your ramblings! I spent a chunk of my life working with French loggers in a sawmill up the ass-end of British Columbia. Language was colourful. I like to call a spade a spade!
I bet you have a few good phrases!
You know me and mine, we talk like sailors or as I like to say “our house sounds like a Frat House”. What I am REALLY tired of and probably the only thing that this pregnancy has brought on that gets me wanting to shout “REALLY?” at people is when I, trying to be a little more polite mind you, use a word like “crap” in a sentence and in response people feel the need to look at my belly then back up to my eyes and say things like…
“now momma” while making the *tisk tisk* sound
or
“now we aren’t going to say words like that when the little one comes along are we”
REALLY? FUCK OFF!!!!
I’m sure this answer will really get my dear Spiders rolling as she knows me so well. Most things roll off my back like water on a duck but this, this really gets me. THEY ARE JUST WORDS PEOPLE. I wish Americans would get over themselves.
And just to add a little background, I was raised in a household that you weren’t even allowed to replace a “bad” word with a so called good word because your “intention” was still to curse and that was bad.
Another random association that just came into my head: “King Solomon’s Mines,” by H. Rider Haggard. No, really. Published in the peak of the Victorian era (1885), but containing a priceless moment in which the day is saved by profanity — none of it quoted, but the adventurers find themselves in a position where they may get away alive if they can take advantage of an eclipse to appear great magicians, Captain Cook-like. There is a Navy captain among them, and he is nominated to curse the Sun so that it looks as if he has caused the eclipse, and since the natives can’t tell one English word from another, he lets fly with a barrage of all the swears gleaned in a long nautical career, warming to the task with each passing minute and creating a great impression of vehemence and lethality. “Never,” says the narrator, “had the depth and breadth of a naval officer’s objurgatory powers been made plain to me.” I have always wished I knew some of the language that was passing through Haggard’s mind…
My tablet refuses to correct me at all!
And there is nothing wrong with the word ‘fart’ and ‘pee’.
You got quite a few comments but how is it I’m the first to “like” this post… very amusing and amazingly easy to follow despite the inebriation. 🙂
You have very fun, and surprisingly very coherent, ramblings!