I had something unusual happen to me this afternoon. Something that’s never happened before, something I have never even heard of in my over-40 years on this planet…
When I went for my usual 12:30 smoke break, my lighter wouldn’t light. It’s a disposable one, and it was sparking just fine so the flint wasn’t gone. I could see their was still fluid in it, too. Sometimes a cheapo lighter won’t light when it is too cold, but it was 10 C out, so that wasn’t the problem either.
I kept trying, as you do, while looking around for a fellow smoker to bum a light from if my lighter was truly dead. One two three four five six… suddenly there was a glob of something sticky and wet on my sparking-thumb. It looked like a bloody blackened booger (bogey).
“What the fuck?” said I, as I wiped it off on the wall. On further inspection, there was something slimy and brown on the roller wheel of my lighter. I had a tissue in my pocket and wiped the goop off, and as I did so I saw something inside my lighter.
In there. (Chapstick tube for scale)
Now, I’ve found pocket-lint in that little space, but I have never seen legs before.
Legs that once belonged to a spider that got sucked up into the wheel and smushed onto my thumb.
I have to wonder how it got in there, and when. Overnight seems most plausible, which means it may or may not have survived a lot of small fires before I sparked it to death. But I suppose it could have crawled inside in the hour since my last cig. Wee spidereen could have fallen into my hi-vis vest pocket, and decided to hide in the smallest place possible.
But in any case: I had a spider just inches from my eyes, nose and mouth that could have – should have! – jumped out to safety onto my face.
If that won’t make any arachnophobic smokers quit, I don’t know what will!
Sadly, I’m rather fond of spiders, and my smokey-treats.
heretherebespiders 
Holy HELL! That’s icky. I haven’t been out since about 12:30 either, but mostly because someone seems to have figured out how to chain me to this damn desk.
One of the many reasons I am SO GLAD I don’t have a desk anymore!
I have also seen the lint, but this is a new one.
It was super special! Nice to meet you 🙂
Me too you too…
Oh, but I did have a spider that was floating in a cold cup of tea bite me on the lip… never drink last night’s tea in the morning by the light of a TV only…
Ewwwwww I’d rather drink the spider than old tea 🙂
Ha… I never even thought of that.
So… What happened to your lip? As much as I like spiders, I’ve never been bitten.
It was a baby spider… it hurt and left a small lump for two days. Nothing worse… but we do have black widow spiders here… so…
I do know an arachnophobic smoker. This could get interesting, except that I revere spiders.
You could always find a dead one and stuff it in their lighter.
Eugh. What a way to go… I’m off the smokes almost 2 weeks and counting now but if I wasn’t I think this would be a strong incentive to quit… nasty crawling things with far too many legs and eyes… unnatural…
Good job! Keep it up, it must be hard this time of year.
So … did the lighter work again after the spider smush was gone?
Yep!
Then all is well with the world. RIP Spider.
Oh dear, that actually gave me the shivers….so I’m thinking if I’m desperate for a smoke and my lights broke would I use one with a spider in it, sadly the answer is….probably lol I’d maybe wear gloves tho, and check first
lol