The ABC’s of the Internet


I’m fascinated by the predictive search suggestions in Google. For a while I’ve been wanting to look every letter up one by one, to see what is suggested, and tonight seemed like a good night to try it. So for your (but mostly my) amusement, here are the ABC’s of the Internet, aka Google, (as of January 10, 2013, as searched by a mobile device in the Republic of Ireland.

This will be a long one!


Come on, Apple, you can beat Amazon! AOL? Do people still use that?


I’ve already found something that I have no idea what it is, backpage. This is going to be the first of many, many times I don’t have a clue. I’m about to prove that I’m pretty culturally inept.


“Cool math”? I’m boggled. Firstly that there are people looking for this, and secondly that it actually has significant search results. Where’s “cool spelling”?


I’m assuming dominoes is the pizza joint and not the game. I have no idea what duck dynasty is, but it sounds like a computer game. And, I have my first pop culture result, dancing with the stars.


I don’t know what edmodo, easybib or edline are. And why does ESPN get two searches? Is ESPN3 that very much different than any other ESPN?


Thank feic Facebook beat out Fox News. I’m still disgusted that Fox came in second, and I’m pretty sure they are entirely responsible for fiscal cliff showing up here, too. Forever 21 I heard about recently, and the name rather nauseates me. Donno what fandango refers to, other than a dance, and frys? I’m guessing it’s either yet another American place to spend money, or there are a lot of people who need basic cooking tips.


Color me surprised: Google and it’s relatives get seven out of 10 spots. And the other three are all pretty geeky, too. Looks like if you want to get Internet attention you should either embrace or avoid a starting G. I’m not sure which would be better, I know SFA about marketing.


Aww, quaint and annoying Hotmail gets top rank. Hobby Lobby…only heard of them recently because of their opposition to birth control…or was that gay employees? Or both? No clue what happy wheels are. Shocked that HuffPo is way down in fifth! Not surprised to see Honey Boo Boo (shudder), but I think we have our first non-US retail chain with H&M. Unless they’re over the pond, too. I wouldn’t know.


The I section is a lot like the G section, is it not? Mostly techie, but I’m still surprised that Apple products aren’t higher on the list. IMDb is awesome; I often wish my mother was around for the Internet age as she would be on IMDb constantly. No clue why indeed is so high up the list, seems strange entirely that anyone would look for that. Yet another one I don’t know, clearly.


Jimmy Johns, justice and Justin TV all have me scratching my head. I can guess the last one is linked to our first ‘celebrity appearance,’ Justin Beiber. Good to see that JC Penney’s is still around.


Um. A kayak is a small boat. Is there a fad to run the rapids lately? I feel as though I should know what KBB is, but I can’t pull it out of my head just now. Khan Academy: please, please tell me that is where people go to study Star Trek. And we have royalty on the scene, we are amused to note.


What’s a lululemon? My mental picture is the old cartoon character Little Lulu, with a head like a lemon. I’m sure someone will enlighten me. I also see a first result that has anything to do with romance with love quotes. Awwwww.


I nearly knew all of these. But nope, I haven’t a clue what city metro pcs refers to. I’m also a bit saddened by mortgage calculator.


Except for Nordstrom, the N’s are all about sports and current events. Keep that in mind when naming your next blog or retail business.


Omegle? Sounds like a confused breakfast dish. I don’t know what that is, obviously. We have our second quote-unquote musical artist, too. And a second mention of lurve and infections with OKCupid.


Never heard of project free TV. Powerball seems kind of vague as a search term, doesn’t most lotteries have a version of the game called powerball?


Quizlet, qwibids and qwop are results that leave me quizzical. We seem to have more literary thinkers in Q, with life and love quotes both in the top ten. Mathematics is rearing its incomprehensible head again, too.


I’m stumped with the top result this time. I do not know what redbox is. This is the first time I feel kinda stupid, to be honest. Rate my professor sounds like Ireland’s rate my teacher – a pretty cool thing for us here as two of iDJ’s uncles are teachers and get high marks. Restoration hardware… I don’t know what that is, but if it is a TV show I’d probably like it. Is REI a real estate company?


I know all of the S’s, go me! Still, seems significantly slanted Stateside. I’m not good enough to alliterate for any length of time, it seems.


Back to being schtupid again. TMZ? Sounds vaguely familiar… The Voice? Not a sausage. Very odd that out of all the instances of the word ‘the’ online, just one is a top-hit Google result. And I don’t know what it is. Sigh. A couple of linguistic searches here, that’s comforting.


I know all of these! I do if Univision is a TV/Internet provider, that is. The U’s seem to be about sending things places and banks. Interesting.


Sigh. I’m getting tired of being reminded that I’m ignorant. I don’t know who or what Vera Bradley is, or vrbo.


Wow, the W’s are a big disappointment! Of course WallyWorld gets top billing, damn them. Weather and white pages are completely dependent on where you live; how can these be top searches when they are so generic? I’m also baffled by the two results starting with www. I mean really. If you’re gonna type all that, people, you no longer need Google.


X-Factor. Also generic. I think every damn country on the planet has a version of this show. Sigh. At least one of my very favorite websites ever is here, xkcd. Go visit them.


I had no idea Yahoo was still so popular. Six out of ten! Two to YouTube and poor Yelp hollering to itself somewhere in the middle.


Huh. I guess the less a letter is used, the less likely I am to know what the hell it’s been used for. I don’t know zillow, zumiez, or zulily. I have no idea why anyone is searching for zero dark thirty, either. I use the expression oh-dark-thirty to mean whatever godawful time the cat wakes me up, but why would anyone search for it? What does it all mean?

Well, none of it means anything, really. I was just curious! It can’t be correct – no cats showed up anywhere. We all know the Internets are 99% cats.

25 responses »

  1. I like the idea, but I think a better way to do this and get the real results you’re looking for is to start with more than one word…a phrase. Like, for instance: the phrase/beginning of a question “Why are white__________?” will result in the predictive phrases:
    1)why are white lighters bad luck?
    2) why are white people called crackers?
    3)why are white people white?
    4)why are white people so rich?

    in that order….shall I go on? LOL

  2. Backpage is where you go it you want to buy a 13 year old virgin. Fandango sells movie theater tickets on line; it’s where I go to book my seat for the Met in HD.You can rent movies at the convenience store from a Redbox vending unit, and zero dark thirty is a film about the pursuit of Osama Bin Laden that will be in those boxes later this year after it finishes the run starting this Friday.

    Lululemon is a chain that sells “yoga clothes” at abusrdly inflated prices, its image somewhat tarnished by an incident near here in the past year or two where one clerk caught another stealing and the culprit bludgeoned her accuser to death with part of a display and then faked her own assault and rape to throw off detectives. (“Two guys broke into the store.”) I have heard it is a front for Scientology or some similar cash-hungry cult.

    TMZ is a dowithoutable news site, last I looked, and REI sells camping gear (I send people there to buy hiking poles like the ones that nearly killed me). JimmyJohn used to be a device used for administering high colonics, but is now, disturbingly, a sandwich chain:

    • Show off 🙂 Told ya you were smarter than me – and I would say you probably care even LESS than I do about most of these things!

      Do I want to know how you know about backpage? Sounds disgusting. And I’m very disturbed that anything that was meant to go up someone’s arse was called a Jimmy John. Sounds entirely painful!

      • It’s just that so many of those things are around one in the States. As for Backpage, it’s part of the Village Voice paper and there was a huge campaign to get them to make it go away because so many of the “adult” ads were used by people pimping pubescent runaways instead. I signed the petition.

  3. Actually, Duck Dynasty is your first pop culture reference! It’s a show on here in America about some a very Redneck family that hit it rich by, wait for it……their ability to make duck calls. Yes, you read that correctly. If you think I’m kidding you…here’s a link to the show’s website. Evidently it’s very popular. I don’t watch it myself, because I grew up with people like that….I sure as heck don’t want to watch them on TV now!

    • I know those two! Ganagam Style is a pretty funny, terrible song with an incredibly stupid dance. It’s gone MAD online! A Korean fellow wanted to ‘break into American charts’ and boy, did he succeed. Honey Boo Boo… Well, I know about it because it’s very very disturbing. It’s a reality show in the US about very charismatic young girl and her family…who are really difficult to look at and listen to. They are southern. You might want to look it up, you’ll see the type of people I grew up with and one of the reasons I don’t belong in America!

        • Oh. Well now I feel like an eejit for explaining! Hehehe. Yeah, there’s a weird mix of geeky stuff, shopping and inexplicable pop culture. I’m sure in just a few months all of these will change! I suppose the people who own these companies/thingies pay close attention to where they rank. I thought it would be fun to see, as someone who clearly doesn’t know much about much!

            • this post was a lot of work!
              I like the internet for the most part, I’m glad I’m around to appreciate it. I hope I get to see the next big thing that is as incredible as the World Wide Web is! Might be delayed as long as people are spending all their time on Honey Boo Boo and Duck Dynasty, though..,

Thoughts? Gardening tips? Cocktail recipes? Don't just like and leave, please - I can talk for Ireland and would love to prove it!

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