Socks has a… prune?

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Right, so it has come to my attention that new readers have no idea why on earth I’m talking about socks that have olives and prunes, and heartbeats!

Short version: Socks is the nickname of my best friend, and she is having her first baby. Since I can’t be there with her, I’m chronicling her journey on my blog.

Long story: go here, then here, and the rest are my weekly updates: one, two, three, and four. That will catch you up to now!

***

Socks had another doctor appointment this week. Doc couldn’t hear the heartbeat at first so did another ultrasound, all is good. Baby Prune had…

Ok, no, I can’t call it a prune. I just can’t. Instead, I’m going to share the nickname Socks has started using in her head: Button. I love it! When she told me her secret baby name, I sang a little bit of ‘Button, button, who’s got the button’ and made myself cry. Keerist, I’m not even the pregnant one.

Baby Button (oh, that’s better, isn’t it?) had its back to the ‘camera’ so the picture wasn’t clear. The heartbeat was visible, though, and then it did a little jump! “How awesome!”

She’s officially due June 15th. She liked the 14th better, because every older person they told immediately said, ‘Oh, Flag Day.’ Socks conjectures that Flag Day used to be a big deal at one time, because we youngins wouldn’t have a clue when it is.

You’ll be glad to know Socks is HIV and STD free, and she doesn’t have the gene for Cystic Fibrosis, so Bear doesn’t even need to be tested for it; it’s one of those diseases that needs two carriers to be passed on. Oh, she’s also not anaemic, and doesn’t have to take an iron supplement. We think it is because she eats so well and would rather get her vitamins the natural way than in a pill.

She has switched from oatmeal and yoghurt in the mornings to Wheat Chex. I found this interesting as a few weeks ago she was talking about something called ‘muddy buddies‘ on FB. It was a craving thing, and that got her started on Wheat Chex for brekky. She knows what she needs! She says that since she has always listened to her body, eating now may be easier for her. She’s still not very pukey, unlike her whole family…

…which brings me to The Quote Of The Week, a new feature in my Socks update. (Those of you who watch Harry Hill’s TV Burp, please read this new title in his voice, complete with background singers.)

“I don’t know what all you pregnant women are bitching about. This pregnancy thing is a breeeeeeeze!”

After I got done laughing my hole off, she asked that I make sure the sarcasm was clear.

She’s only gained one pound (.45 kilos), but Bear told her that she’s ‘pooched out a little.’ Button is about 1.5 inches (3.81cm) and looks more baby-shaped. “A little like an alien, but not lizardy.” Button is growing tooth-buds, knees and ankles. Socks said the book tells her that every body part and organ are pretty much formed, and from here on Button nearly doubles in size every week. Important juices are being made in the stomach and kidneys, and if it is going to be a boy, this is when the testosterone starts flowing.

Bear still hasn’t come to grips with what is going on inside his wife. She mentioned fingernails to him and he started fanning himself as if he was going to faint. Then he got all panicky over trying to figure out how he was going to teach his child ‘life lessons.’ He wants to teach the important things, without screwing the kid up. Good luck, Bear!

Oh! I nearly forgot. The doc’s office gave her her first bag of free ‘new baby!’ samples and coupons. It was a culture-shock moment for Socks. Coupons, adverts for portraits, samples of … nursing pads? Bottle inserts specifically for storing breast milk? An itty-bitty diaper with Pooh Bear on it? She is “rallying against the typical baby bullshit” and doesn’t want this rubbish. The sheer amount of strollers for sale blows her away. There’s a ‘micro movement monitor’ that will let you know if the kid so much as farts in its sleep. Why would anyone want that? When are you supposed to sleep yourself??? Bear thinks the kid just needs a rag for its face and one for its arse, which is a bit naive, but apparently it is just crazy-mad the amount of marketing that is being directed their way now.

The worst, by far, are the breast pumps. There is a version called a double pump. Yes, that’s right, a milking machine. Just walk into your stall and stand there with both tits in it until Farmer John lets you out to pasture. Fuck off! She says one at a time is okay, but both? Hell no, she’s not a damn cow. There’s even a double pump you can walk around in while wearing it. Good lord, just what you want to see in Wal-mart. (I’m freaked out by the whole idea of breast feeding, BTW. Fine for you, but the idea of me doing that makes me want to scream.)

Okay! Long one today, no wonder I put it off so long. Oh, I’ve also been asked why I named her Socks. I came up with the name years ago, because she loves long, colourful socks – striped socks, argyle socks, even toe socks – and she always, always, wore peep-toe shoes to show them off. She doesn’t always wear peep-toe anymore, but she’s made herself sleeves out of socks to wear with short-sleeve shirts. The obstetric nurse loved them, too. So there’s why she is Socks. (She promised me pics of her in the sock-sleeves. Hint hint)

Oh. I’m totally, utterly, jealous of her new Vibram FiveFingers toe shoes. In red.

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16 responses »

  1. The more I say and see “Button” the more I love it. I’ve shared the nickname with bear and my mother and they both love it as well so Button he/she shall be! My mother (Grandma Birdie by her own choice) will be here soon for Thanksgiving so I’m sure there will be plenty of pics to go around. that woman is dangerous with a camera!

    Gotta go as I must feed Button some of Shan’s delish White Chicken Chili! Yummo πŸ™‚

  2. I think I’ve never watched anybody’s pregnancy that closely. Sometimes I freak out too, when reading, especially about these pumps. I so understand you and Socks about that double portable milking station.

    Are you serious about those shoes??? ahahah, I can’t stop laughing. :))

    About Button, not the baby but the name. You said you were singing a song and it made you cry, does Button means something else besides and actual button and the guy from F1?

    You are enriching my vocabulary with those similes for the growing organism. I didn’t know the word “prune”. πŸ™‚

  3. http://www.vibramfivefingers.com/products/Five-Fingers-BikilaLS-Womens.htm
    There’s the link to my actual shoes! I LOVE them. I’ll have to take a nice pic of me wearing mine. They rock! Even my dentist was jealous! And don’t forget the toe socks that go inside πŸ˜‰

    Alexandra I love that you are taking this journey with us. I don’t know you and I already want to hug you!

    Being far from friends and family this blog is like a great big hug. Thank you Auntie E for making this journey into something fun to share that isn’t so scary.

    • Isn’t Alexandra lovely? I’m so happy to have met such wonderful people.

      Socks, I’m happy to hear that! I can’t do much from 3,000 miles away – I’m thrilled that what I can do is appreciated πŸ™‚ Love you!

      • Socks, so you really ARE that magical. Auntie E described you earlier and then I saw a drawing of you and it all already looked like from fairy tales where there are those magical creatures who live in forest and do only good things. Your kind comment almost made me cry. Antie E did something awesome in the previous life to have such a fantastic friend. Although, I think, Antie E herself is a really awesome person.

        Thank you for all the explanations! I’m still giggling at the pictures, they are soo not from this planet, LOL :))

  4. 3.81cm? That is so tiny! So incredible tiny! I hope everything goes well!

    “Bear thinks the kid just needs a rag for its face and one for its arse”
    Hahahaha! This made my evening. Thank you. πŸ™‚

  5. The worst thing about child equipment is car seats…..Glad socks is standing up to the equipment onslaught. We live in a consumerist society. It will be available if you need it, don’t let them make you buy it before then!

  6. Pingback: Socks has a Lime! « heretherebespiders

  7. As I understand the marketing is only going to get worse. It’s a lot like wedding crap, they makes a lot of it and charge a lot because people will buy it.

    I don’t even know what they sell anymore for babies though, it’s to sad to go look. But the last friend I was really close to that had a baby I made EVERYTHING for her. Crib bumper, wall hanging, diaper stacker (which I will NEVER make again, she never touched it), a matching scrap book. Her baby room was awesome and so little of it bough pre-made.

  8. Pingback: Socks has a Plum! No, a Peach! No, a Lemon! « heretherebespiders

  9. Pingback: Socks has a Navel Orange! « heretherebespiders

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