I had to let a strange man touch my butt


Yesterday was my second chiropractic visit. Nothing to report, really – other than that one adjustment he was attempting hurt before he even started, so he didn’t do it at all.

No, what is on my mind is that I’m letting a perfect stranger touch me all over. I haaate that. I get tense, and freaked out. I can’t allow myself to be tense, however, because that might cause injury. I’m lying on my back, I’ve got my knee in this guy’s crotch, his arms are wrapped around my shoulders, and then I have to curl my head and neck forward so my face is in his armpit! Aaaaaaaaa!

The only saving grace to all this is that he’s young, physically fit, good looking (I suppose, I don’t really pay attention or “rate” people, but he isn’t ugly) and doesn’t have halitosis or BO. He doesn’t use one of those cloying anti-perspirants, either. I’d rather smell sweat than Axe.

The other part I try not to think about is when he has to push on my tailbone. So, facedown on the machinery, and he’s got the flat of his palm putting pressure on my coccyx. Oh, no, this isn’t weird, la la la la la….

I sort of like the part that feels like a back rub. I’m a ho for massages and back scratches. Purrrrrrr! That part is akin to having my hair washed in a salon. Man, I love that. Especially when they use their fingernails. Happy time!

Overall, it isn’t as bad as going to my dentist, who is old and fat and breathes hard and has big sausage fingers. Do I need to point out that I won’t go to a male gynaecologist? Not after one time when the guy’s fingers could have been used to make moulds for sex toys. Nononononono!

I’m also very grateful that I’m relatively young, and not overweight like I used to be. I would be much more uncomfortable if I felt I was grossing out the doc. Oh yeah, he asked if I could wear shorts next time so he can work on the wonky leg better. So much for growing my winter coat!

I’m also really hoping I don’t accidentally fart when the chiropractor pushes on my lower back. Yes, yes, that really did happen to me about 10 years ago! All you can do is laugh…

5 responses »

  1. I love you. I really love you. I held it together till I got to the part about growing your winter coat! HA! *snort* Sometimes all you can do is schnort.

    Hope you are feeling better and it’s all worth it.


  2. My girl Gyno’s were always SO much worse than my male ones… it’s like the girl is thinking “I KNOW you can take it”. The guys are always much more gentle and everything is warm with me.

    When I was in PT my therapist use to “pull my leg”. Which is a really nice way to say “hold my ass”. I’d lay on the table for like 10 minutes with her tiny fragile hand under my ass. Apparently my coccyx is slightly crooked. Yeah, not weird at all. I was positive I’d break her little hand one day.

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