Category Archives: Humour

I Got Nuttin’ to Say

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So here are cute pics of my fur-babies.

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I know I give more e-time to the cats than the dog; so here she is having a nap on a freshly-washed rope toy. She is gorgeous.

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Might not look like it, but Spot was passed out hard with his chin on his “brother’s” flank.

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Brotherly lurve, including the underside of Spotty’s pink tongue.

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The best photo that wasn’t. If I’d gotten this in focus, it would have been right amazing! But I didn’t, so it isn’t, but you still are looking at it.

Red Dwarf Season 11!!!

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I am inordinately happy about this. Yes, I’m a giant geek.

http://www.giantfreakinrobot.com/scifi/red-dwarf-blasts-eleventh-season.html

Some of the text from the website GiantFreakinRobot:

“Fans of deep space wackiness, robots, amazing absurdity, and a creature descended from the common house cat, have a lot to be grateful today. Once thought long dead, the venerable British sci-fi sitcom Red Dwarf is coming back to life one more time. Co-creator Doug Naylor has signed on to write an eleventh season, one which is already scheduled to shoot later this year.

For the uninitiated, Red Dwarf is the story of Dave Lister (Craig Charles). Through a series of unfortunate events he is the last living human in the known universe, and is stranded on a mining ship lost three million years in deep space. His only companions are the hologramatic recreation of his former bunkmate, a twit named Arnold Judas Rimmer (Chris Barrie); Kryten (Robert Llewellyn), a neurotic maintenance droid with a head that looks like a pencil eraser; and Cat (Danny John-Jules), a vain, ditzy humanoid that evolved from Lister’s cat Frankenstein. There’s also a time-addled computer, who has gender reassignment surgery part of the way through the series. The crew has all sorts of crazy adventures, meet all manner of space creatures, robots, and half-mad killer cyborgs, and even travel through time on occasion.”

Let’s hope this works: YouTube link to a really good top ten best of clips. I’m grinning like crazy still.
http://youtu.be/UVmKeisK2cU

Lift that Box, Tote that Chair

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Thought I’d share with you a wee bit of my work duties. I only took these pics as I was suffering with the damn sinus infection I’ve had since the 18th, and it was dammed hard to do my job on Monday. So these are 100% feel-sorry-for-me photos.

I had two returned chairs in big awkward boxes that needed to be put back into stock. First I had to see if there were other chairs in stock and on a shelf so I could put these two with the rest. Well- I never have to, but it is the right thing to do, and the logical thing to do. So that’s what I try to do, of course.

The bastard chairs only lived in one place – up on a C rack – meaning they were not gonna be easy to put away if I still wanted to be right and logical. Dammit. The only logical place that they would fit was up there in the sky…

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Keep in mind that I’m 5ft7in, so my eye-level for taking these pics was already close to 6ft or 3 metres off the ground. Sigh. I was daunted.

But. Yes. I horsed them up there, panting and wheezing and whathaveyou. But I did it, despite being sick as a dog and clumsy as hell.
>

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I am rather proud of what I can do when it has to be done and I’m the only one who can. I’m not too shabby in the muscle department either these days!
And I’m nearly entirely over my fear of heights now, too. >

Damn that Talented Hubby o’ Mine…

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…and his spiffy ‘real camera.’ Imma just going to put these here.

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Dammit.

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Really, iDJ? You’re just showing off now.

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That jerk. How dare he spend his lunch hour taking really awesome flower pictures just for me (and you)!

Do You See What is Right in Front of You?

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I hope you remember this guy?

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It turns out that Puking Man has a big brother. Peeing Man!

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Wow, just wow. An ISO graphical symbol for a man whizzing into a plastic bag! I had no idea that they could top The Puker, but they have.

Sorry to disappoint, but there isn’t a baggie for the ladies. I looked. But, I promise that if the make an ISO graphic of someone using a female urinal, you will be the first to know.

I asked our shop assistant if she’d ever noticed the little people that were doing odd things on the boxes… she had not. This display is only a few steps from the cash register. Hmm, brightly coloured illustrations of cartoon people demonstrating funny bodily functions into rather awkward conveniences. How could she not have seen them? Then again, she never saw me laughing and taking the photo, either… at least I gave her a giggle, and confirmed in her mind that I am not quite right.

And then, there is the new hand soap in the bathroom at work. We end up with lots of different medical-grade hand washing goop, of course (samples abound, being in the medical supply business and all). But I’m not about to try this one.

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Doesn’t that scare you a bit, too? I have to say ‘no’ to using hand-soap that specifically mentions not to get it ON MY BRAIN. Shit, that über-specific warning isn’t even on the ‘Patient Information Leaflet’ – it’s right on the front of the damn bottle! I don’t even want to look at the bottle now for fear my meninges might get some of it on them – or on it – whatever.

You would truly hope that anyone who knows what meninges (I had to Google, yep) are would also know what cutaneous (I did not have to Google, nope) means. Nothing about ‘cutaneous’ means you should consider injecting it into a human joint, or lather up a brain or spinal cord. I am not, not! going to Google how they found out that doing either was a really bad idea.

Damn, this Traffic Jam, I Really Hate to be Late

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I’ve been holding on to these photos since summer 2012! I wasn’t in a blogging mood then, but it seems I’m getting back into the swing of things.

iDJ and I had driven out to Urlaur Lake, so I could go snorkelling. Unfortunately the place was jam-packed, and there were even two dammed Jet-Ski’s out on the water, rocketing around, scaring the swans and fish. Um, no: I don’t desire to have my underwater magic world soundtracked by whining engines. Plus we had Dogzilla with us, and she is terrified of children – of which there were many.

Poo.

So we went off in search of something else to do. On the way, I got to experience my first traffic-jam, County Mayo style!

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Don’t you just love that the cattle were being moved along by bicycle? The cows are taking up both lanes, too – clearly not too many other cars had been up or down the road recently.

(Yes, we are geeks, and R2-D2 talks when you bop him on the head.)

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Interesting that the cattle had nearly all moved to the correct side of the road after passing us – except for that one big brown girl who can just barely be seen on the left. She was all about the tasty road-grass.

The white/blue-grey one with the eyeshadow that was giving iDJ the stink-eye was bigger than our Mini Cooper. Yikes.

I was in the passenger seat, repeating ‘ohshitohshitohshit’ under my breath, while smiling like crazy at the experience of seeing a herd of cattle parting around the car. ‘Don’t knock the wing mirrors off! Please…? Gooood cows, niiiice cows!’ No damage was done to the Mini – unless you count the poop-splatters acquired further up the road.

So, I Have to do This Now at Work…

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Some jackass has stolen two of my drinks out of the work fridge. Yes, I get made fun of for my slightly passive-aggressive note. But I still have my drink at the end of the day since I started doing this.

Asshole never copped to doing it, either. I wouldn’t fuck with me either when I’m thirsty.

Who the Hell Puns in their Sleep?!?!

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Me.

I do.

I’ve not been sleeping well lately. More accurately, I’ve not been sleeping for long periods in the morning but I do have loads of REM sleep, complete with weird dreams.

Last week I again dreamt that I was a man, and it was perfectly normal in the dream. Forget the details now, as you do, but I remember noting that I wasn’t even me in the dream.

This morning, I was the interviewer for a TV documentary on a famous person. I wish it was someone real, but I don’t think it was. It was a man, and rather heavy-set and intelligent. I think he was an actor. Much like the amazing Stephen Fry, but it wasn’t him. I was there to document his unusual hobby, which was candle-making.

In dream space, there was lots of time doing camera angles, set up, questions, etc. It went on for a while, perfectly normal – as if I have a clue what being a TV interviewer entails.

Eventually, cameras rolling, a young man walks in. The star stops and says, “Oh, I’d like you to meet my assistant. He’s been invaluable. This is Chandler.”

I woke up immediately, laughing out loud.

Ugh.

Sigh.

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Leaving work tonight, I had to put a few things in the trunk/boot of the Mini. Opened it up, leaned forward to toss in the stuff. WHACK. I bounced my forehead off the thin edge of the deck, shouted an appropriate word, staggered back a few steps… my lovely work lads walked with me over to the light to see if I was bleeding (nope). I do have quite a sore lump there. Looks like I’m trying to grow just one horn. It’s not even in the damn middle of my quite expansive forehead.

My guess is that the cold temps tonight kept the hydraulic hinges from opening all the way. It’s never done that before, and it is very dark behind the building, so I didn’t even look.

Won’t trust the boot again. Especially in the dark. Ow.