My one-year blogsversarry has come and gone. I wanted to write something fun, and funny, and I cannot. That’s why I haven’t posted a thing lately.
I’ve lost my funny.
I’ve lost my funny, and I’ve lost my art, and my words. All the things that brought us together via the blog.
All I have left at the moment are the cats.
Maybe it’s the epic book-journey I’ve been on, reading the Song of Ice and Fire books. (OMG the author looks like my dad!) I’m only on book four, and it’s been over a week. Or two? These are long books, so far every one over 800 pages hardback according to Wiki (I have digital versions so can’t be sure of a page count). I’m happy to have a place to go, and crave that world when I am away too long, but perhaps this level of escape is not the best for me?
However I think I know deep down what is bothering me. And it is an unsolvable problem, which bothers me more and makes it harder.
I read just a few of my early posts: just one or two, and I seem so different. Financially strapped, physically broken… but I was writing. Even just to hear myself speak, I was writing. And then I was drawing! A new format that excited me and opened new worlds and ideas.
And then I got a job and all that went away. Poof! And now instead of dreams that feed my creativity, I dream of computers and emails and Things I Forgot To Get Done. I wake and think of these things instead of marvelling at the strange song that was in my head.
So. I want to say a lot of things, but right now, I’m just a bit dark. I want to bitch about work but It Isn’t Safe. If I put up a password protected post, would anyone read it? Who really wants to hear me moan? I don’t even really bitch to iDJ as there is nothing he can do – and as a man, he would want to fix it. He’s just as trapped as I am, so other than leaving with a sigh and coming home somber or cranky, I don’t say anything.